Homecoming II: Decree Nisi
by oceanwave1
Summary: COMPLETE. 'I want a divorce' Nick, Sara, their daughter and their struggles. How did they end up this way? NS
1. Breathe

Title: Homecoming II: Decree Nisi  
  
Author: oceanwave  
  
Rating: PG   
  
Summary: Trouble in paradise? Nick, Sara, their daughter and their struggles. N/S  
  
Disclaimers: I just borrowed the characters. CBS/Viacom, Alliance Atlantis, Jerry Bruckheimer Productions, and the creators/producers of CSI own the characters.  
  
Author's Note: Sequel to 'Homecoming'   
  
This story is in fact a sequel, but you don't really need to read the original; and since this story is going to move backwards, it's going to pick up and summarize certain moments from 'Homecoming'. However, if you do want to, go right ahead and read the original.  
  
This story is going to be different from the others that I've written, well the event sequence anyway. This fic is going to go from the present, and head... backwards to the past, - a la 'Momento'. From the past, it will once again travel forwards. I know that this will be difficult for some readers, especially in being able to remember certain details, but it's all about cause and effect.  
  
Think of it as a big puzzle, you don't see it when you first look at it, but with every piece, you see the big picture. Likewise, this fic is going to start with a big fat "huh?" and as it progresses, certain chapters, will provide answers to all the questions.  
  
As a sequel, this story is a lot 'heavier' than its predecessor, and is centered on character development and social relationships/ interaction; the science of CSI only appears in trace amounts.  
  
WARNING: I know that I have already labeled it on the summary, but this is in fact a N/S fic. If you do not prefer this pairing, or don't feel comfortable with such a pairing, then I would advise you to stop reading this instant. I am aware of some "flamers" out there, and I just wanted to state that this is in fact a N/S fic. So don't say I didn't warn you. Just try to keep in mind that when reviewing - if you choose to - that "if you don't' have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all."  
  
There, I think I've addressed all my concerns and given a semi-prologue to this fic, so read on, and review. Oh, it feels good to write again! And can't forget to thank my beta, Kelly, thank you so much for helping with this – you are awesome.  
  
~*~  
  
Chapter One  
  
~*~   
  
"I want a divorce!"  
  
"Whatever you want!"  
  
His chest heaved as he spoke such words; his eyes were fixed on the woman before him. He turned to walk out the door, leaving behind his weeping wife. He walked towards his black jeep and slammed the door shut.  
  
"Damnit Sara," he cursed, slamming his hands against the stern steering wheel. Today was their first day in couple's therapy, and to his dismay the situation ended worse off than it had begun. His head sank at the bitterness and anguish that his wife's tone had taken; the same argument had taken place over the years they had been married. He began his breathing exercises to calm his frayed nerves, but groaned at the sound of his cell phone ringing. Looking over at the phone, he quickly glanced at the small picture that rested on the dashboard. He smiled slightly; he couldn't wait to get home.  
  
"Hi Jessie," he answered.  
  
"I'll be home soon," he continued, before hanging up the phone.  
  
Again, he looked over at his daughter's picture. She was utterly his pride and joy, and he very much looked forward to seeing her and getting her ready for school. With such a hectic schedule, he and Sara had enrolled her into an afternoon class to avoid any complications with their schedule. Sitting in the driver's seat, he remained distracted by the picture that was taken not too long ago, it had Jessica and Sara side by side at the beach - smiling. Further studying the picture made his mind drift to his wife, he sighed. He regretted that everything had boiled down to this moment, and hating the way he left their therapy session.   
  
'We'll get through this,' he thought, '-hopefully.'  
  
Hesitant, he pulled out of the parking space and drove down the strip towards the home they shared.  
  
~*~  
  
She rushed past the emergency room entrance, and once inside she scanned for the closest nursing station. The room held a still silence, with nurses and various doctors walking up and down the hallway. The distant sound of the intercom in the background, she looked around mindlessly, her mind engulfed with fear - frantically searching, for anything, something, someone.  
  
"Sara," a voice called. She whirled around and spotted her husband.  
  
"Nick, what the hell happened," she asked harshly. She walked up to him, and just as she was to begin her interrogation, a nurse walked out of the nurse's station.  
  
"Dr. Redken is coming down to see you now," she mentioned.  
  
"Is she ok," Sara interrupted, but the nurse had already returned to her post.  
  
"Why don't we take a seat," Nick asked, in hopes to calm his hysterical wife.  
  
"No, what happened," Sara demanded. She took a step away from Nick and raked her fingers through her brown hair.  
  
"They just took her in to try to figure out what happened," Nick assured.  
  
"Answer me Nick, What happened?" she began pacing, her heart beating at an intense rate.  
  
"She wanted to go to the park, and so we did-" Nick began to answer.  
  
"Mr. and Mrs. Stokes?" A man questioned; Sara paused from her pacing and looked up at the middle-aged man in a white lab coat.  
  
"I'm Dr. Redken, Pediatrics," he introduced.  
  
"How is she? Can we see her?" Sara began questioning.  
  
"She's doing all right; just an asthma attack. But we're just running some tests right now. You can see her now, they're bringing her downstairs as we speak," the good doctor assured.  
  
"Thank you so much Dr. Redken," Nick replied, outstretching his hand for a handshake, Sara did the same. Relief washed over Sara as she caught a reassuring smile from the doctor. Nick felt his heart lift, thankful that his daughter was feeling okay.  
  
Together, they sat side by side, anxiously awaiting the arrival of their daughter, the clocking ticking at an excruciatingly slow pace and both the parents' mind running rampant.  
  
"Mommy, Daddy," a child voice called.  
  
"Jessie," Sara called out, rushing towards her daughter. Nick got up as well, breathing a sigh of relief at the sight of his daughter, relief washing over his distressed face and the heaviness lifted from his shoulders.  
  
"Hi baby, are you ok?" Sara asked frantically, bending down and pulling Jessie into a hug. Her eyes were moist, relieved to feel her daughter's arms wrap around her neck.  
  
"Mom, I'm ok, really; and look, I got a pretty band-aid," Jessica boasted. But Sara didn't hear, all she cared about was that her daughter was all right. Upon receiving no reaction from her mother, she looked over at Nick.  
  
"Daddy, look," she pointed at the band-aid on her arm, pulling away from Sara and rushing to her father.  
  
"It's nice," Nick began, as he pulled her in for a big hug.  
  
"Feeling ok sweetie," he asked, looking squarely into his daughter's green eyes. She nodded as he placed soft kiss on her forehead.  
  
'Oh thank God,' he reassured himself. He looked up at his wife, who too looked down on him, her eyes mirroring the relief in his eyes.  
  
"Can we go home now," Jessie requested.  
  
"Sure thing," Nick answered, his voice reaching a calm plateau. He took her small hand into his and looked up at Sara, he was sure that she had to return to work.  
  
"We'll see you at home tonight," he called to his wife.  
  
"Can Mommy come home too?" Jessie pleaded, she looked up at her father, then at her mother. 'That's a good question,' Nick commented to himself.  
  
"I'm sorry sweetie, but Mommy has work, and I'm really busy," Sara answered, feeling guilty, but knowing that she couldn't leave the lab. Immersed in her daughter's eyes, she saw the girl's great disappointment.  
  
"Okay," her daughter responded quietly, breaking away from her mother's stare. Sara cursed herself for not being able to leave work, but she knew that she had to return to the lab.  
  
"I'll see you later," Nick whispered in her ear, and began tugging Jessie towards the hospitals exit.  
  
~*~  
  
"Hi, you've reached Nick, Sara and Jessie; sorry but we're not home right now. But if you leave your name and a short message, we'll get back to you as soon as humanly possible," the answering machine voiced.  
  
"Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Stokes, this is Dr. Redken from Desert Palm Hospital; not to alarm you, but if you could just get back to me as soon a possible, I have some concerns regarding your daughter's test results," the doctor's voice answered.  
  
~*~  
  
For the second time that day, Sara burst through the hospital doors; except this time, before her mind could panic, she spotted Nick.  
  
"What's going on," she asked breathlessly.  
  
"Dr. Redken has some concerns about Jessie," Nick replied, the concern etched in his face, and his eyes tired and worn out. He guided Sara through the maze of corridors and into the elevator.  
  
"What kind of concerns – anything serious," Sara continued to ask.  
  
"He's running more tests. But he's admitted Jessie, she's in her room with a nurse right now," Nick replied - worry and unease over his daughter's health still evident in his voice. Sara stared at him, struck by her husband's words.  
  
"Why didn't you call me sooner," Sara questioned in frustration.  
  
"I did, but you were in court," Nick protested. Sara just continued walking, she was on call that day, after hours of waiting, and she finally testified.   
  
"Well, I came as soon as the trial adjourned," Sara defended.  
  
Both stepped out of the cold steel elevators and onto the quiet floor, a hallway stretching opposite directions and the sounds of beeping heard from various rooms. They proceeded to march down the hallway, Sara quickening her pace as Nick motioned her towards the last room on the left. They paused; looking through the glass window and watching their daughter sleep peacefully. A nurse sat by the bedside, monitoring Jessie's condition. Sara closed her eyes, taking deep breaths as she focused on calming her nerves. Nick just looked on, pained by witnessing his daughter's situation. He looked over at his wife, who, he thought with eyes closed was probably trying to regain her bearings.  
  
"Ready," he asked in a quiet whisper. She nodded. Nick opened the door and Sara followed him into the silent and dimly lit room. The bed was in the middle of the room, flanked by two bedside tables and a chair. On the left was a large window and right under the window a modest sized couch; the bathroom was to the right upon entering. At their arrival, the nurse stood up and made her way outside the room.   
  
Sara crept towards her daughter's bedside and pulled the blanket over her daughter's shoulders, while her other hand grasped the girl's hands. Nick made his way beside Sara and he leaned over to place a kiss on Jessie's forehead, careful not to wake the sleeping child. Both of them were still, moments passing and they just kept on staring at the little girl - watching her chest rise and fall.  
  
The door slowly opened and a nurse walked in, careful with her actions, knowing not to disturb the resting child.  
  
"Dr. Redken wants to see you in his office," she whispered.  
  
Sara and Nick looked at each other, neither one wanting to leave their daughter's side.  
  
"I think you both should go, I can stay here and watch her," the nurse suggested. Nick smiled gratefully at the nurse and took Sara by the hand, guiding her towards the doctor's office at the other end of the hallway.   
  
Sara was hesitant to leave, holding on to her child's hand until Nick gently pulled her hand away, leading her towards the door.   
  
~*~  
  
"Dr. Redken," Nick called out, while he knocked the door. He received a muffled response, and both he and Sara made their way into the doctor's office. Unlike the rest of the floor, his office was painted a dark shade of red, a contrast to the light mint green color of the hallways.  
  
"Hello, please, have a seat," the doctor greeted. The couple sat side by side on the couch.  
  
'Oh God this doesn't sound good," Nick thought.  
  
'Please be okay,' Sara thought to herself.  
  
"This is certainly difficult for me to say," the doctor began.  
  
'Oh, this is not good,' Nick thought.  
  
"But-. Ok, um, how about you, um. Can you tell me about any hereditary diseases in your families," the doctor stammered, struggling with his words but also trying to take a more professional tone.  
  
"Um," Sara began, confused by the doctor's question.  
  
"Well, I just wanted to know about the history behind Jessica. Particularly her health and her genetics," the doctor replied. There was an awkward pause, while Nick leaned closer and sat at the edge of his seat.  
  
"Jessie is-" Nick began. The doctor leaned forward a little, eagerly waiting for the sentence's conclusion.  
  
"We adopted Jessie when she was three years old," Sara concluded for Nick. The doctor's head leaned back a little, taking in the situation's new development.  
  
"Why do you ask? What's wrong?" Sara asked, panic now forcing its way through her body. The doctor inhaled heavily, 'how can I do this,' he asked himself.  
  
"I thought it was just an asthma attack," she continued.  
  
"Mrs. Stokes-" the doctor began.  
  
"Sidle," Sara corrected. For she didn't take her husband's last name; she had insisted on keeping her own last name.  
  
"Upon reviewing the test results from your daughter," he paused.  
  
"Out with it," Sara practically screamed impatiently.   
  
"Your daughter's condition has proved to be more complicated than just a respiratory problem," the doctor answered.  
  
Nick's heart had stopped at the instant; he glanced at his wife's pale face and placed his hands on top of hers.   
  
"Complicated," Nick managed to question.  
  
Sara felt the warmth of Nick's hand, but she didn't react.  
  
"After reviewing some results from tests taken earlier, we found a heart abnormality," the doctor answered calmly while trying to break the news softly. He continued,   
  
"It's partially a genetic problem, but in Jessie's case, her asthma attacks which was caused by over exertion of the heart and lungs caused a chain of reactions."  
  
"From airway constriction, low oxygen levels, to her heart pumping insufficient amounts of blood to the body," he paused.  
  
'God, I hope they can understand what I'm saying,' he questioned himself.   
  
"And based on her medical records, she suffers a lot of asthma attacks, usually due to over exertion, am I correct?"  
  
"Yes, that's true," Sara concurred, still unable to discern the doctor's message.  
  
"May I ask what Jessica was doing before she had an attack," the doctor asked. Sara gave Nick and icy glare.  
  
"We were at the park for about 30 minutes, I was on the phone with my niece, while Jessie ran around and played with the other kids," he explained.  
  
"For 30 minutes?" Sara asked,  
  
"Yeah, she was just playing - being a kid," he continued.  
  
"Being a kid? You know that she's not supposed to participate in prolonged cardiovascular activities," Sara commented.  
  
"But if you paid any attention, you would have known that," Sara continued.  
  
"I was paying attention. Prolonged cardiovascular activities?" Nick started.  
  
"Sara, she was just paying with the other children."   
  
"You should have known," Sara huffed.  
  
"So you know about Jessica's heart problems-" the doctor interrupted.  
  
"That's rich, coming from you. Telling me what I should know; when you yourself haven't got the faintest idea about what she's gone through," Nick quipped back.   
  
He was unaware of the doctor's comment, and Sara didn't notice either.   
  
"I do pay attention." Sara's expression had changed; her face was turning a deeper shade of red.  
  
"You're clueless, you didn't even ask me why she was in the park instead of in school today," Nick rebuked.   
  
Sara cursed herself, 'what day was it?'  
  
"It's Wednesday, Sara," Nick reminded. Sara looked at Nick, still speechless.  
  
"I let her stay home today! Do you know why?"   
  
Sara didn't flinch.  
  
"Because she couldn't stop crying, she was looking for you - asking for her mother," Nick answered, exasperated.  
  
"And let me ask you another question, since you seem to 'pay attention' - what's her favorite color," Nick asked.  
  
"I'm sorry?" Sara asked, astounded by her husband's question.  
  
"It's a simple question, what's Jessie's favorite color," Nick articulated.  
  
"Green" Sara replied angrily. Nick blinked.  
  
"Blue. It reminds her of the ocean, and our vacation in San Francisco," Nick corrected. Sara just sat in awe at her husband's arguments.  
  
'Have I really not been paying attention?' She asked herself, thinking about her stressful job and feeling guilty upon not knowing such as simple thing, like her daughter's favorite color. But she didn't protest, she only asked herself about the numerous things she didn't know.  
  
Nick's eyes burned with frustration, he looked at his wife, but at the same time feeling horrible for the harsh words he had spoken. Her face held little emotion; she just avoided any eye contact with him, opting instead to stare at the bare floor.  
  
A cold silence drifted into the room, and Dr. Redken watched as the couple sorted through the day's events.   
  
'God help them, they really need to stay together for this, for their daughter," the doctor thought to himself. He was surprised by the cold interaction between what appeared to be a happy couple.  
  
"Oh God, why didn't we see this before," Sara asked, breaking the silence and looking up from the floor. It appeared that the silence had softened her tone of voice and she was now focused on the doctor's words; setting aside the pain of Nick's sharp words.  
  
"Well, there are no visible symptoms, and even I had to double check the results to make sure," the doctor began to explain.  
  
"I'll ask again, since you know about Jessica's respiratory problem, were you aware of her current condition," Dr. Redken asked modestly.  
  
"Well, we were given a medical report upon her adoption, and it was just mentioned that she suffered from asthma attacks," Nick answered.  
  
"And well, after several asthma attacks due to intense cardiovascular activities, her doctor recommended keeping her way from vigorous activities," Sara added.  
  
The doctor paused for a moment, bringing his hand to massage the bridge of his nose, pausing to formulate his next sentence.   
  
"As I said, her asthma attack further complicated the situation," the doctor finally said. He then handed them a folder of the results from the day's prior tests. Sara was the first to take a glance at it; she took note of the ECG printout, the blood sample results, as well as various other results. Nick also took interest in processing what he could from the folder's pages of results and written reports from physicians. Both looked up as the doctor proceeded to place a chest x-ray onto the light box, he continued to explain his findings and explained to them the continuous series of tests that are still being processed.  
  
"Treatment?" Sara asked.   
  
The doctor paused and sat at the edge of his desk, he said no words.  
  
"Surgery?" Nick asked.   
  
The doctor was silent, still trying to find the best words to answer the question.  
  
"Transplants?"   
  
Nothing.  
  
"Chemo-" Sara began, her voice tailing off.   
  
Nothing.  
  
Sara and Nick braced themselves for the doctor's reply.  
  
"I'm sorry," the doctor began. Sara's heart broke, as she began to feel a stinging in her eyes. Nick had temporarily ceased to breathe.  
  
"But, Jessie's condition cannot be treated with common procedures," the doctor added, his own heart somewhat in a standstill.  
  
"Experimental procedures," Nick whispered.  
  
"We'll have to see, but usually, at this stage, Jessie's prognosis is uncertain. The odds are 50/50. Over the years, her heart has slowly and gradually deteriorated, probably since birth."   
  
The doctor managed to explain the cold facts, fighting the urge to weep as he saw tears threatening to cascade down Sara's face.  
  
"From birth-. How-," were the only words she could utter.   
  
"But, we're not sure about the rate of deterioration and how it has affected her body. That's the reason why we want to keep an eye on her," the doctor explained.  
  
"As for the diagnosis, to be honest with you, with situations like these, there is no way to tell," the doctor assured. He wanted the couple to understand that even with their situation, there was no way to tell.  
  
"So you're telling us, that our daughter is on her deathbed?" Sara questioned, with tears trailing down her pale face.   
  
The doctor was at a lost of words, torn between not wanting to giving them false hope and having faith.  
  
"No, I don't believe you, she was fine this morning. There must be something, some new procedure," Nick attempted to rationalize.   
  
The doctor said nothing.   
  
"Again, chemotherapy," Nick continued, still in a state of denial.  
  
"No," Sara spoke softly. Nick looked at her, surprised; he would have thought that she would fight for the life of their daughter. She looked up at him.  
  
"I don't want her to go through all that, prolonging her life - it could very well prolong her pain as well." Tears still flowed, but Nick understood his wife's concern. They just looked at each other, as if trying to share their pain together.  
  
"What should we do now," Sara asked calmly.  
  
"Just be her parents - be there for her," the doctor sighed.   
  
~*~  
  
With hearts shattered and in a state of disbelief, Sara and Nick slowly walked out of Dr. Redken's office and headed towards Jessie's room. The hallway's silence wrapping its arms around them both, the world had subsided, and they both walked in a daze.  
  
"I should call my family. I'll call your parents too," Nick whispered.   
  
They both paused before proceeding further down the hallway.  
  
"Grissom and Catherine might want to know too," Sara answered quietly, still in a state of shock.  
  
"I'll call the lab," Nick agreed.   
  
He reached his hand out to hold Sara's, but she had already turned and headed further down the hallway, leaving Nick in the middle of the empty corridor.  
  
~*~  
  
She entered the room with care, while the nurse left the mother and daughter alone. Sara took a seat on the chair by the bed and looked at her daughter's resting face.  
  
'How?' She asked herself.  
  
'How can you be so sick?' Sara asked.  
  
'How could I not notice? What kind of a mother am I?' She questioned.  
  
She wondered how the daughter that laughed at the sound of her father's snoring, and laughed when tickled could be so ill. She reminisced about the numerous times both she and her daughter spent time together, from the day they met and especially the day when Jessie was adopted.  
  
'How could I not have known that your favorite color is blue?' Sara asked.   
  
Recalling their family vacation in San Francisco, Jessie enjoyed sitting on Nick's shoulders as they walked by the ocean's edge. Then, Sara remembered the numerous memories that she and her husband had during their marriage, from the laughter to their numerous struggles.  
  
~*~  
  
He looked into the room in front of him, and watched his wife and his sleeping daughter. It reminded him of the handful of nights where he stood by Jessie's room to watch her sleep, with Sara sitting by their daughter's side. He smiled at the distant memory, wishing that things were as they were. He stood by the door for only a few moments, only to witness tears falling down his wife's cheeks, 'if only it were that simple,' he thought, wishing that he could somehow fix this situation.   
  
~*~  
  
She stared at her daughter, wanting to hold her close; unaware of the tears that now streaked her cheeks. Her heart was breaking. It was at that moment, that she felt a presence and she knew it was Nick. Without looking up, she questioned,  
  
"Nick, how did we end up this way?"  
  
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A/N – So what did you think? Reviews, suggestions and constructive criticism are always welcome. Like I say; love it, loathe it, review it! - oceanwave 


	2. The Way We Were

-- CHAPTER TWO: The Way We Were --   
  
Disclaimers: Refer to Chapter One: Breathe  
  
Author's Note: Truce! Waves white flag I received mixed feedback from the previous chapter. Yes, I know it's sad, but if there's a high, there's always a low. I know that some people might absolutely hate my guts right now for breaking this marriage apart, but please have faith; it is after all a N/S romance/drama fic. You just saw the drama part of the story in the previous chapter. Anyway, I hope that the next few chapters would gradually put your minds at ease. The going to change gears for this chapter, so please, read on. And thank you very much for your feedback.  
  
Definition: 'Decree Nisi' is a legal term that basically runs along the lines of 'divorce'.  
  
Also, some reference is made to Michelle's wedding, well; it was the main focus in 'Homecoming'. But the main point you really need to know is that Nick took Sara to Michelle's wedding in Texas and the rest, as they say, is history.  
  
~*~  
  
- Two Years Earlier -   
  
"What do you mean the bouquets aren't going to be ready? They are suppose to be ready and at the ceremony by seven clock Saturday morning,"   
  
"No, that's unacceptable, I have guests flying in for my wedding, and you can barely get some flowers together," Sara yelled. Her headache was intensifying as she attempted to attain her composure, she paused.  
  
"Okay, I'm sorry. Just please try to be on time," Sara apologized, clenching her fist. She hung up the phone,  
  
"Idiots, how hard can it be to put flowers together? Honestly," she screamed.  
  
"It's an art," Nick deadpanned; as he sat at the couch, flipping through a magazine.  
  
It was only a couple of days until their wedding, and Sara, like any frantic bride, was tense and eager to cross the finish line. She had been on the phone all morning, confirming various arrangements for the wedding. The florists weren't ready, however, everything else was set. The wedding was taking place in Las Vegas, a fair compromise in appeasing their parents and friends. The ceremony was a small affair, mostly family, Nick's family, Sara's family and of course, their family from the lab. It was going to be held at Grissom and Catherine's new home, with a spacious backyard, that was only fitting to be taken advantage of. It was Sara's concern to have the event go smoothly, knowing that with people flying in from various corners of the country, it had better be a wedding worth attending. It was just a little time after Nick had proposed to her, in this house, and here they were - getting married.   
  
- FLASHBACK -  
  
It happened on a day like any other, and Sara had just returned from her shift, tired and to wanting sleep. During the night, Nick had slipped a diamond ring on her finger and watched her sleep. The next day, she was surprised by the breakfast in bed.   
  
"Breakfast? In bed? What did you do?" Sara wondered, a little surprised by the gesture.  
  
"What? I can't do anything romantic for you anymore," Nick answered, pretending to feel hurt, and now snatched the tray back to the kitchen.  
  
"Wait, Nick–" Sara waved; her left hand waving past the light of the window. She froze. Nick froze, and turned around.  
  
"Oh my God," she gasped. Taking her hand and taking a closer look at the ring around her finger. She looked up at Nick in amazement; he had just placed the tray on the ground, and was now kneeling by the bed. He nodded.  
  
"Are you–" Sara questioned, still struggling to wrap her mind around the idea. Nick smiled.  
  
"Will you, Sara Sidle–" Nick began.  
  
"Yes," Sara squealed. Diving forward and wrestling Nick to the ground. She was on top of him, and they stared into each other's eyes.  
  
They had come so far in so little time, yet they weren't afraid, they weren't afraid to move forward. They were jaded by their single lives, and were now ready to move into a new phase in their lives – together.  
  
"Will you, Sara Sidle, prefer eggs over-easy or scrambled," Nick smiled jokingly. Sara playfully punched his arm, smiling.   
  
"Breakfast can wait," she suggested, giving him a soft kiss on the lips. Nick smiled mischievously.  
  
- END FLASHBACK -  
  
"Yeah, it's an art. The flowers might not be ready for the wedding," Sara stated. A soft sob escaped her throat. Nick looked up; he walked over to Sara,  
  
"Hey, hey, calm down. Shh, it's okay," Nick reassured, guiding Sara towards the couch. He was sure that all this wedding planning had taken a toll on his fiancé.  
  
"Sara, breathe. Listen, even if we have to pick flowers from the neighbor's lawn, there will be flowers," Nick joked. Sara half smiled.  
  
"And remember, you're marrying a really fine guy tomorrow," Nick mentioned, with a serious face.  
  
"And here I thought I was marrying you," Sara scoffed. Nick smiled at her comment, glad that he could bring a smile to her face.  
  
"Your eyes are getting puffy," Nick jested, thus garnering a slap on the arm. Sara walked back into the kitchen in search of some food; all this wedding planning had really worn her out.  
  
"When is the brood of Stokes arriving," Sara asked. Nick smiled,  
  
"In a couple of hours, around four." He switched the television on.  
  
"Your parents?" He asked in return.  
  
"Knowing them, they'd probably get here an hour before the ceremony," Sara answered.  
  
"Gotta hand it to them, they do enjoy being late," Nick commented, he just switched the television off.  
  
"What? Nothing on the Discovery Channel?" Sara asked, she sat bet him and leaned her head against his chest.  
  
"Nah, it's a rerun," he smiled, wrapping his arm around her small body, and kissing the top of her head.  
  
~*~  
  
"Nick wake up," Sara ordered, they had fallen asleep on the couch, and were now long overdue at the airport.  
  
"Nick," Sara shook the snoring beast.  
  
"Nick, for crying out loud-" Sara mumbled.  
  
"Huh? What? " Nick awoke, disoriented.   
  
"We're late," Sara replied, standing on her feet and scurrying towards the front door. She grabbed her cell phone and her keys, quickly glancing at her reflection in the mirror.  
  
"What? What time is it," he asked, searching for a clock.  
  
"Oh-" he cursed. He jumped off the couch at top speed; he grabbed his car keys and searched for his cell phone.  
  
"Let's go! Move!" Sara bellowed, waving the phone in the air.  
  
'This better not be a bad omen about this wedding,' she thought, pulling the door open and rushing out to her Tahoe.  
  
~*~  
  
Both Sara and Nick drove separately, they had to in order to accommodate Nick's parents and his sister's families. It started raining as they rushed through the streets; traffic was minimal, which was unusual for that time of day. As the airport towers loomed, both changed lanes and drove down the ramp towards the airport. Finally, after finding a parking spot, both hurried towards Terminal 1, glancing at the flight status board, they learned that the plan had landed almost 45 minutes prior.  
  
"Paging Nick Stokes and Sara Sidle, your family is waiting at Don Alejandro's Texan Grill, located in Terminal One's Esplanade." Sara and Nick cringed at the sound of their names and took a step in opposite directions. They paused.  
  
"Esplanade, this way," Nick insisted.  
  
"Esplanade, second level. This way," Sara also insisted stubbornly. They paused.  
  
"Map," Sara cited, sounding smugly. She was sure that it was on the second level. They both glanced at the brightly lit map.  
  
"I was going to take a short-cut," Nick lied, he was wrong. Sara smiled widely. Both rushed up the escalators and searched for a crowd. Nick pointed towards his left, to a restaurant in the corner.   
  
"Boy are you late, another 20 minutes and I thought Michelle was going to go into labor," Luke, Michelle's husband joked. He was the first to see Nick and Sara frantically walking up the escalator. The man referred to his frustrated and uncomfortable pregnant wife, Michelle.  
  
"Hey sis, looking good. You're worthy to be the next MetLife blim-" Nick started. Luke glared at Nick, 'no' he mouthed. Michelle glared at her little brother.  
  
"You look great! Glowing," Nick corrected, laughing sheepishly, Luke elbowed him.  
  
"You better watch it, another wise crack from you and I swear, as a woman with erratic hormones, I can't be held responsible for any of my actions,"  
  
"Hi Michelle," Sara interrupted; she shot Nick with an angry stare. She smiled at Michelle and hugged the woman's full figure, patting her stomach as well.  
  
"And to think that you're marrying my little brother," Michelle snapped, she paused. Luke shrugged, his wife's pregnancy had caused her to be very cynical and sarcastic, but he could sympathize, she was the one walking about with a stomach the size of a genetically modified watermelon.   
  
"Sara, how are you," Nick's mother greeted. The small, silver haired woman approached Sara.   
  
"Mrs. Stokes, how are you," Sara greeted in return.  
  
"Sara, I'm not that old. Besides, to us, you're already family" Evelyn, Nick's mother responded, sounding insulted, but her smile said otherwise. Nick's father was right behind her. His tall stature forced Sara to stand on her tiptoes as the man gave her a hug and a peck on the cheek.  
  
"Nicky," Evelyn shrieked adoringly. She wrapped her arms around her youngest and held on tight.  
  
"Mom, hi," Nick replied, searching for air.  
  
"Uncle Nicky!" a little voice screamed, she took possession of Nick's leg.  
  
"Emily," Nick gasped, she turned his head to search for his young niece.  
  
'This could take a while,' he thought, still gasping for air.  
  
Sure enough, it took the Stokes clan almost 20 minutes to exchange greetings. To think, this was only part of Nick's family, the rest were either arriving later in the evening or early the next morning. Here were Nick's parents, his expecting sister and her husband, and his other sister and her family. It was around 5:30 pm by the time they had exited the parking lot and were on their way to the hotel, the rain had subsided into a light drizzle as they drove. Cars were moving at a steady pace, the lights of Vegas shining in the background, they all sat in a comfortable silence. Finally, they pulled up at the hotel; all had booked a room at Bally's, knowing that they all couldn't fit in Nick's house. Tired from their trip, all decided to order room service and rest for the day; a deviation from the plans Sara and Nick made earlier. However, tuckered out themselves, they didn't protest and instead returned home.  
  
~*~  
  
She saw two shadows outside the front window, speaking in a low murmur. It was still dark outside, although slivers of orange began to inhabit the sky. She was just getting up to get a glass of water and perhaps to fetch the morning paper. She paused as the shadows faded; it looked as if they had backed away from the front upon seeing her. She paused as her heart quickened and with caution she walked closer to the front window and saw two figures lurking in a dark car parked across the street.   
  
'Two men, parked in the middle of the street, in the early morning' she thought - this isn't right.   
  
She waited for several minutes, waiting for them to drive off, but instead, they sat there, waiting, talking even. With heart pounding loudly, she turned and hastily began a brisk walk down the hall.  
  
"Nick," she called out.  
  
"Nick, get up" she shook the slumbering man. Mumble.  
  
"Nick, I think someone's watching us," Sara whispered.  
  
"Sara, we're not doing anything worth watching. Go back to sleep," Nick replied, turning on his side.  
  
"Well, I thought you'd want to know that there are two men sitting in a car across the street, waiting," Sara replied sternly.  
  
He half-opened one eye,  
  
"What?" Nick replied.   
  
'That got him up,' Sara thought, she motioned him towards the hallway, indicating the direction with her shaking head. Nick jumped up; slowly, the couple crept down the hallway, side by side, they observed their surroundings as they neared the front door. Nick paused and motioned Sara to stop, he slid a drawer open and pulled out his gun. They continued to creep and saw a shadow. Both Nick and Sara jumped - they stood still against the wall - Nick slowly looked out the window and saw a dark car parked across the street, but nobody in it.  
  
"Sara, there's nobody there," he assured, lightening his grip on the gun. Sara slowly turned to look out the window, she too saw no one.  
  
'KNOCK' 'KNOCK' 'KNOCK'  
  
Their heart leapt. Nick, again, tightened his grip on the gun. Sara closed her eyes 'this is not happening' she thought. Slowly, Nick approached the door, gun still drawn. He motioned Sara to stay still.  
  
"Who, who is it," Nick asked, he squinted to look through the peephole. He saw black - it was being covered.  
  
"Old friends," a deep voice replied.  
  
"I am armed, identify yourself," Nick ordered.  
  
"I'm armed too," the voice called back. Nick gulped.  
  
"Listen man open the door," another voice called. Nick recognized that voice. He took another glance through the peephole, this time, he saw two men. Nick shook his head in disappointment and withdrew his gun. Sara looked at him, puzzled, he smiled at her.  
  
"What's the password," he asked with a smile.  
  
"Open the damn door," a voice replied. Nick's smile widened and slowly unbolted the door.  
  
"Jack! Matt!" he exclaimed, outstretching his arms. Sara was confused.  
  
"Hey Nick, just who are you trying to impress," the man on the left greeted. Nick looked down at himself; he was only wearing a pair of shorts. He laughed,  
  
"I'll be right back, come on in," he motioned, and quickly turned to go find himself a t-shirt.  
  
"I'm guessing that you're not selling Girl Guide cookies," Sara smirked.  
  
"Sara!" Both men exclaimed. She froze, 'do I know you'.  
  
"It's us, Jack and Matt Veli," the shorter man answered. She was oblivious.  
  
"Sara, you remember Jack and Matt," Nick introduced, pulling a Texas A&M shirt over his head. Sara smiled sheepishly.  
  
"They were at Michelle's wedding," Nick reintroduced, both men smiled widely at Sara. Sara nodded as she struggled to remember.  
  
"Oh, right. Your frat brothers," Sara answered at last. They were in fact Nick's old college buddies.  
  
"Alpha Sigma Phi, that's us," Jack replied proudly, sticking his chest out. He was the smaller out of the two brothers; he wore jeans, a Texas Rangers t-shirt, and a dark tan.  
  
"Wow, you guys look different. Good, different," Sara noted, they had looked a lot differently than they did the first time they met.  
  
"Yeah, well when we got an invitation, we knew we couldn't let 'pretty boy' outdo us," Matt replied, he looked over at Nick. Sara smiled, 'Nick was devilishly handsome.  
  
"I don't know, I'm sure you both can give him a good run for his money," Sara wittily replied. Both grown men blushed.  
  
As it turned out, both men drove to Las Vegas in Matt's car, they had just arrived and were going to surprise them with breakfast. They were checking if somebody was home, knowing that both Nick and Sara were early risers, but left when they saw nobody. However, as they sat in the car, they saw someone walking in the house and figured that somebody was up. Naturally, they approached the door and knocked, and were actually joking about being armed.  
  
"Unless you can call having pancakes with extra syrup being armed," Jack kidded, indicating at the package that he held in his hands.  
  
"You scared us half to death," Nick smiled. Sara chuckled.  
  
They had just sat down to breakfast when they received a call from Nick's mother; she was calling to confirm the day's plans. The women were getting together to go sightseeing, mainly on the Strip; while the men headed out to the golf course. Sara didn't organize anything in particular, for she didn't want to enforce a schedule on her guests, instead she preferred it if they planned the day. The round of golf was already a given, since all the guys wanted to try the new 18-hole course just outside Vegas. The only rule of the day was to attend the rehearsal dinner.  
  
By nine o'clock, both Sara and Nick were ready; Jack and Matt were also excited about the events that were to occur in the next several days. As they headed out, both Sara and Nick checked to see if they had their cell phones, both were expecting phone calls from either the florist or tailors.   
  
Although the wedding was ready, Sara was still awaiting the 'unexpected' pitfalls that she had managed to avoid, thus far. 'Who knew those 'how to' books on wedding planning were so effective?' she often thought. Plus, having enlisted Catherine as the matron of honor, and helpful assistant didn't hurt either. Nick was, in fact, amazed at how quickly the two women had worked to organize the wedding. Sure, it was small, but every aspect of the wedding was of great sentiment, it was going to be a wedding focused on fun, family and friends. It was early in the planning stages that they decided on a backyard wedding, upon Catherine and Grissom's offer to use their backyard as the setting. Catherine's help was fundamental in getting the pieces to fit, from booking the tent in case of rain, renting the tables and chairs, and finding 'the dress.' Ironically, the dress was the easiest part of the planning, Sara, wanted a simple dress to match the informal wedding. After a quick shopping trip, she chose a simple white, off the shoulder dress with an empire waist silhouette. Hair and makeup were things that Sara hadn't decided on however, since her hair behaved as it pleased anyway.  
  
Details regarding the groom and groomsmen were Nick's responsibility, but Sara suspects that he too received much needed assistance from Catherine, or maybe even one of his sisters. The invitations, the food, the music, and the decorations were arranged without a hitch, with the exception of the flowers of course. The guest list was small; they had only invited 50 people, and amazingly, they all were happy to attend. Thus, lo and behold, the stage was now set for Nick and Sara's long awaited nuptials.  
  
~*~  
  
"Nice shot," Warrick whistled. He squinted as he tracked the small white golf ball in the air. Nick's father, who stood close by was also amazed at the ball traveling further and further.  
  
"Have you been working on that shot, Nick," Nick's father asked.  
  
"Nah," Nick laughed, he stepped aside as Grissom took his turn to take a shot. The whole shift was off today, in preparation for the wedding, a generous gift from Grissom.  
  
"The key to reaching the green is the range of motion with regards to power," Grissom explained.  
  
"Or, just Sara," Jack piped up. Nick smiled, 'yea, it was Sara.'  
  
"Just hit the ball so we can move on," Nick commanded, laughing.  
  
"Yup, just Sara," he continued. In truth, Nick was nervous, excited, but nervous; the round of golf was doing him good. Numerous times had he thought about his wedding, somewhat thinking that it was all a dream, a long and lovely dream. He looked forward to getting married, looking forward to marrying Sara; finally, he felt that his life was starting to come together. All the arrows were now pointing in the same direction, and he was happy.  
  
~*~  
  
Over at the Strip, Sara and her soon to be in-laws were shopping, an activity that Sara never took a liking to. She was just there to guide them through the chaotic streets, but, overall, she enjoyed being outside, it was calming. By the lunch hour, they had rounded out every shop on the Strip and had sampled various snacks. But to Sara's dismay, they still continued to plow through the crowds and into other attractions. She was tired. As much as her body ached, Sara also felt a sense of warmth as they moved from one location to the other. It was at this time that she fully realized the family that she was soon going to join; happy that they had already welcomed her with open arms. Nick's mother was supportive, calling Sara every now and then, just to check on the planning. Carrie and Michelle were supportive; they too called, but only to check if Nick was misbehaving. Sara smiled; Nick was just perfect through the whirlwind of planning. She was a very lucky girl, not only did she land a good man, but as part of the package, she also received a great family and support system.  
  
'By this time tomorrow, I'll be married to Nick,' she thought, it made her smile wider.  
  
'Only one more day,' she hummed to herself.  
  
~*~  
  
The rehearsal dinner was being held at a small restaurant, just minutes away from the bright neon lights of the Strip, which gave the roof a great view. They had reserved the rooftop for the evening; the decor was lively while maintaining a warm family atmosphere, perfect for the family oriented dinner that they wanted. Around the room were tiny lights, while tea light candles flickered through frosted glass containers.   
  
Present were Nick's parents, sisters and their husbands, also, his other sisters and their families had just arrived. A plane delay had them arriving one hour before the dinner, when they were suppose to arrive at noon, nonetheless they were glad not to miss out on any other wedding festivities. The team was there as well, Grissom and his wife, Catherine, along with Lindsey looked picture perfect sitting by Warrick and his long-time girlfriend. Greg also sat at the same table, playing kissy face with his flavor of the month. The only ones who hadn't arrived were Nick's older brother and his family, as well as Sara's whole family. With the Las Vegas skylight surrounding them and the comforting smell of summer wafting in the night's breeze, the intimate family dinner was underway.  
  
"Now, y'all didn't forget about us, did you," a voice called from the doorway. Everyone looked up; it was Kate, who stood confidently in front of her parents.  
  
"Kate," the group called out. The once shy and distant Stokes had now blossomed into a confident and energetic young woman. Once again, and exchange of hugs, kisses and "you look greats" commenced.  
  
"I'm sorry for being late, I had trouble surfing my way here," Kate teased. She was a Marine Biology major at UCLA, where she had taken up surfing, a hobby that she particularly enjoyed. As a student, she was in the process of preparing for an exchange program to Australia, a feat that her Uncle Nick was tremendously proud off.  
  
"Sara! I'm glad you didn't pull a 'runaway bride' on my Uncle Nicky," she smiled, hugging Sara, but quickly elbowing Nick.  
  
"Nice to see you," Sara greeted. She too was amazed at Kate, who Sara had first met at Michelle's wedding. Gone were the distant eyes of an angry teen, and the brewing dark attitude.   
  
- FLASHBACK -   
  
Finally, they reached a young girl, who leaned against the tree and was shaded from the sun. Unlike the rest of her family, her hair was a dirty blonde hue, while her eyes a piercing blue. Sara walked away from Nick, who at this point was exchanging jokes with and uncle, or someone.  
  
"You must be Kate," Sara asked, she extended her hand. The girl was silent,  
  
"Nick told me that you preferred to be called Kate," Sara explained. The girl scoffed and walked away. 'OK, bad move,' her mind observed.  
  
- END FLASHBACK -   
  
'And here she is - smiling,' Sara thought.  
  
As the hoopla died down, all settled back into their seats and commenced on ordering dinner. The meals were wonderful, the menu held a meal that catered to varied tastes, ranging from peppered steaks to Sara's Florentine lasagna. Lighthearted conversations were passed around the room; and of course, advice flowed from many mouths. Sara and Nick were showered with words of wisdom, and the occasional quirky tips on married life.   
  
The hours passed and soon the stars shimmered through the faded sky, the time had reached when all of them should return to their hotels. Lindsey had grown bored, since Greg was too focused on his other 'friend,' while Emily had quietly fallen asleep by her father's side. The adults themselves, however cheerful, were tired by the day's activities. Sara, although accustomed to long days was tired herself, occasionally resting her head on Nick's shoulder in attempts to stay half-awake.   
  
The party finally ended, and everyone hailed cabs. Catherine took Sara's fatigued body to her home, while Nick drove to his home to gather Sara's packed bag. Tonight, Sara was spending the night at Catherine's, making the wedding preparations less difficult. Nick was spending the night at his home, alone, for the last time.  
  
Twelve hours until the wedding.  
  
*-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------*  
  
A/N - Don Alejandro's Texan Grill, which is located in the McCarran International Airport, Terminal 1 Esplanade is an actual restaurant. I don't own the brand, so no lawsuits necessary.  
  
I'm not sure if there is a fraternity called Alpha Sigma Phi, but if there is, it is just a simple coincidence. Any of their beliefs, values and opinions do not reflect my opinion, nor do they reflect the opinions of the characters involved.   
  
The word 'Veli' is Finnish for "brothers" - appropriate for the characters of Jack and Matt.  
  
What'd you think? Love it, loathe it, review it! - oceanwave 


	3. Viva Las Vegas

-- Chapter Three: Viva Las Vegas --  
  
Disclaimers: Refer to Chapter One: Breathe  
  
Author's Note: Oy, I feel horrible for confusing people. Chapter Two is an automatic trip to the past, so pack your bags because it's going to be a funky ride. To clear things up, Chapter 1 was in the present, while Chapter 2 is a jump back in time, way before the 'drama' of chapter 1. I hope that helps, I'm really trying to update this soon so everything flows better. *fingers crossed*  
  
NOTE: Cause and effect. The effect is Chapter One and the cause or back-story is the rest of the fic. Then of course, if you still want to continue, what happens in the future.   
  
~*~  
  
"Wait, can somebody grab my phone," Sara exhaled and stood still as her mother-in-law, Catherine and Kate fussed over the dress. Emily jumped off the couch, with her dark faded red dress and wavy blonde hair; she walked towards the ringing cell phone and handed it to Sara.  
  
"Hello," she answered, gently brushing a strand of hair away from Emily's face.  
  
"Hi," Nick answered. He glanced at his surrounding and walked out of the room and onto the balcony, leaving his father, brother, and Warrick inside.  
  
"Hi," Sara breathed, a warm smile washing over her face.  
  
"Ready," Nick pried.  
  
"Well, the dress is on. But it will take the jaws of life to get me out of this dress," Sara smiled; she glanced around to watch the figure that the dress had taken.  
  
"Jaws of life, huh?" Nick smirked. Sara beamed - what would she have done if Nick hadn't called.  
  
"My sentiments exactly." A mischievous grin crept upon her face. On the other end, Nick arched an eyebrow,  
  
"Kinky," he smirked.  
  
"Are you ready?" Sara chuckled.  
  
"Yeah, I've been ready for a long time," he answered. Sara sensed the double meaning behind his tone.  
  
"And I've been waiting for a long time," she replied.  
  
"I love you. I'll see you in… 30 minutes and 45 seconds," Nick replied.  
  
"Actually, more like 30 minutes and… 40 seconds, but, I love you anyway," Sara smiled. Kate was motioning for Sara to hang up the phone; exaggerated hand movements in the air - Sara took the hint.  
  
"Bye," she whispered.  
  
"Bye," Nick replied softly. This was it - the moment was nearing.  
  
~*~  
  
The day had started early, shortly after dawn; and Sara was the first to wake up, double checking details as she ran down the list she had meticulously put together. However, as the morning progressed, she found nothing to do - an unusual wedding occurrence that made her the more anxious. Much to her surprise, the florists did deliver, earlier than expected, actually. The tent was the first to be set up, next were the tables and chairs. Sara sat back as the various elements of the wedding came together. By 10:00, Sara began her transformation from Sara to 'Sara - the bride. Sara began her transformation upstairs, in the house, with help from Catherine's multitalented sister. It was a surprise to everyone that Sara, for the most part, looked calm. She was gleaming; her smile was permanent, her eyes bright, and her skin radiating an almost mystic aura.  
  
Nick, on the other hand underwent a minor nervous breakdown of sorts, his nervousness mixed with excitement was forcing him into a mess. The morning began with his suit being a size to small, before he finally realized that he had grabbed the wrong one from the closet. Next, he 'misplaced' the wedding bands, which after much anguish were actually located under Warrick's jacket. In addition, he failed to recognize his hunger, nor remember where he had left his CD player when he went out for a run. Never, could he recall being so nervous; then again, he had never been married before. But, like numerous times before, he was lucky that Warrick, Jack, and Matt arrived to keep him sane.  
  
The ceremony was ready to begin: the minister had arrived, and the guests were filing in, and the place was wonderful – it had a simple setting, immersed by white with hints of deep red tones. As expected, Sara's parents were running late, along with her brother, who was a groomsman nonetheless. Sara's calm demur was ultimately because she was unaware of her parents' tardiness. Catherine, along with Nick's family had conspired to keep the 'problem' a secret, hence keeping the couple from having emotional breakdowns.   
  
The time was 10:50 am; only minutes before the ceremony's commencement. It was then that Sara and her mother reunited for the first time. Both fighting tears as each minute passed. In anticipation, everyone made their way down the staircase and waited by the doors that led out into the yard.  
  
"Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue," Kate interrupted. Sara pulled herself away from her mother to double check her attire. Something old, was the simple antique pendant that her mother had sent her via courier several days earlier. Something new was the dress; something borrowed was the silk flower crown that Catherine lent her.  
  
"Does anybody have anything blue," Sara asked, a sense of panic overwhelming her. Everyone paused to look around the room, and eventually in their purses.  
  
"What's the hold up," a woman asked, moving towards the doors. It was Nick's grandmother. The woman wore a simple cream color dress, along with a medium sized hat that sat on her silver hair.  
  
"Grams," Kate called out.   
  
Sara had taken a liking to the Stokes matriarch. Again, another person she met while at Michelle's wedding. Her stern look and 'tough love' attitude was what Sara loved about the woman.  
  
"Well…you're holding up a wedding," she smiled.  
  
"We're looking for something blue," Sara explained. She looked into the woman's eyes; her eyes seemed to calm Sara's frantic eyes.   
  
"Why aren't you lucky, I came to give this to you," she smiled lovingly as she handed Sara a small ring. Sara gasped.  
  
"I-" Sara whispered.  
  
"Each of my granddaughters received a ring just like that on their wedding day, and I wanted you to have one - just the same," the grandmother confirmed. The ring was simple, with a small sapphire gem that crowned the band.  
  
"Thank you," Sara smiled sincerely, again tears, but she fought hard against them. They all stood there, speechless.  
  
"What are you waiting for, isn't this a wedding," the grandmother drawled, the Southern accent flowing through her lips.  
  
~*~  
  
"I, Nicholas Stokes, take you, Sara Sidle, to be my wife and my one true love. To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love you faithfully and to cherish, to laugh with you and to cry with you, till death do us part. Come what may come I will always be there for you."  
  
"I, Sara Sidle, take you, Nicholas Stokes, to be my husband and my one true love. To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love you faithfully and to cherish, to laugh with you and to cry with you, till death do us part. Come what may come I will always be there for you."  
  
The vows brought the crowd to an emotional high, Sara in particular, who was shaking nervously, with droplets of tears descending her cheeks. Nick wiped a tear from her cheek as they commenced to say their closing vow, in unison.  
  
"Entreat me not to leave you, or to return from following after you. Together, we will go forward and together we shall face life. To guide each other, to support each other, and to have trust and faith in the vows we take, and our love for each other."  
  
~*~  
  
'CLINK' 'CLINK' 'CLINK' 'CLINK' 'CLINK'  
  
The crowd silenced as they saw Tim at the front.  
  
"As the best man, well, a portion of the best men, I was suppose to give Nick a great stag party, some great advice, and to make a total fool of myself in front of everybody," he began. The crowd laughed. By portion of the 'best men', he meant the group of men who Nick had chosen to participate in the wedding, since he could not pick a singular man for the title of 'best man'.  
  
"I'm going to make this quick. Dear brother," he began,  
  
'Oh boy, here it comes," Nick thought.  
  
"It's about time," his brother asked. Nick smiled.  
  
"Better late than never," Nick joked.  
  
"And to my new sister-in-law, may you have enough courage to listen to his distinct type of music, enough humor to laugh at my brother's lame jokes, enough patience to put up with his love of sports, and enough hope to think that he'll ever give up the television remote," he paused.  
  
"May you both have enough love to seek happiness and all the worldly things that life has to offer," Tim summarized.  
  
Nick and Sara looked at each other, their eyes full of hope, love, and faith; they just smiled.   
  
It was late and the night was winding down, it was time for the bride and groom's first dance. Nick and Sara took to the middle of the temporary dance floor and danced to the soothing sound of a jazz ballad. They glided across the surface as they thought about the future ahead; Sara placed her head on Nick's shoulder and danced. Nick wrapped his arms around his wife tightly, wishing that they could always stay this way, surrounded by friends and family and in the company of each other.  
  
- FLASHBACK –   
  
"Hi, can I just borrow her for a minute?" Nick requested.  
  
"Sure, you are the best man," the man glared, hesitating to let Sara go.  
  
"I thought you'd need some relief, are your toes ok?" Nick asked, concerned, and looking at her red toes.  
  
"I'll be fine, he's been stepping on them throughout the whole song," she smiled. He held her in his arms, wrapping them protectively around her, she didn't object, allowing him to take the lead. Slowly, they swayed to the music, and Sara watched the other people dancing around her. She spotted Kate at the edge of the dance floor, dancing with a boy. 'She did it,' she smiled, happy that Kate had taken a chance on life.  
  
"What are you smiling about," Nick asked wonderingly.  
  
"Nothing," she replied, placing her head on his shoulder. It fit perfectly, it felt natural.  
  
He was caught off guard, but he continued to dance. He simply smiled.  
  
"He's really not that great," Nick changed the subject.  
  
"What?" Sara called, her head still sitting on his shoulder  
  
"He used to pick on girls in high school," Nick revealed, stopping Sara from uttering any words.  
  
"And he was pretty 'friendly' on campus in college," he continued desperately.  
  
"Nick Stokes, are you jealous?" Sara teased, picking her head up, and staring closely at his eyes.  
  
"Me? Jealous? No," Nick denied.  
  
"Just telling you the facts," he admitted.  
  
"You know, in case-" he began to babble.  
  
"Oh-my-god, you are," Sara glorified.  
  
"No," Nick lied.  
  
"I think he's kinda cute, pretty smart, and did you see those muscles," she winced. 'Ouch' she mouthed. Her words were probably more piercing that she had imagined, but her tone was still playful, her intent was to tease Nick.  
  
With eyes focused on Sara, Nick's eyes voiced pain from her comments. He didn't say a word; he'll let her say whatever she wanted.  
  
"Don't worry, you'll always be my man from Texas," she continued to tease. She titled her head back as she laughed aloud.   
  
There was silence, as both of them smiled and proceeded on dancing.  
  
"So you're into cute guys, sculpted muscles and a brain," Nick joked.  
  
"Only the ones who can dance," she whispered in his ear. The fine hair in on the back of his neck, stood, 'damn' his mind whimpered.  
  
Finally, for the last time before the music ended, he twirled her, cradling her in his arms as he dipped her for the finale. They both smiled as Sara came face to face with Nick.  
  
- END FLASHBACK -   
  
Sara smiled at the memory, knowing now that their harmless flirting had turned into something she had never in her life imagined. Her man from Texas indeed.  
  
He recalled the dance that occurred at his sister's wedding, the way his jealousy had forced him to look deeper into his flirtatious liaison with Sara. Nick smiled.  
  
"Hey Sara," Nick whispered.  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"I love you," he announced proudly. She looked up and locked eyes with him,  
  
"I love you too," she smiled.  
  
What had once been a foreign phrase became natural now, as it rolled off her tongue with no difficulty. They drew closer to each other and gently kissed, looking at each other and smiling.  
  
~*~  
  
Before long, both exchanged partners, they were rotated amongst family as the day's festivities drew to a close.  
  
"Nick, I'm happy that you found Sara," Michelle said, watching as her brother watched his new wife.  
  
"And to think, she was right under my nose for all those years," he replied, adjusting his gentle grip around his expecting sister.  
  
"So, when are you due," Nick asked innocently, still staring at Sara across the crowd, she was now dancing with Grissom. Her wide smile and unmistakable laugh captivated him.   
  
"Now," Michelle replied.  
  
"Now, that's-what?" Nick paused; he stopped dancing and turned his attention to Michelle.   
  
"Now? As in now, now," Nick asked.   
  
With panic and adrenaline driving through his body, he inspected his sister's condition. Michelle's face was placid, but her tightening grip on Nick's hand told him otherwise.  
  
"Luke," he hollered. Luke looked up from the bar and locked eyes with Nick; he recognized the panic in his eyes and noticed his unmoving wife.  
  
"Baby, I'm coming," the man replied, rushing to his wife's side.  
  
"Kate, call an ambulance," Nick barked. The crowd had ceased dancing and had now formed a crowd around Michelle, who, at this point had commenced breathing exercises.  
  
"I'll go get towels," Catherine stated, cutting through the crowd and rushing up to the house.  
  
Nick stood back, unsure about what to do; Sara and Grissom made their way to the front as well.  
  
"EMTs are on their way," Kate called from inside the house.  
  
~*~  
  
"You," Michelle glowered at her husband, and latching onto his arm. Beads of sweat present around her face, while her hair matted across her forehead.  
  
"You did this to me," she breathed out. Luke didn't know whether to smile or if he should do or say anything at all.  
  
"We'll see you at the hospital," Nick said, patting Luke on the back.  
  
"Ahh," she groaned. Luke tensed at his wife's tight grip.  
  
The EMT slammed the ambulance door shut and moved to drive Michelle and Luke to the hospital, only minutes away.  
  
"Congratulations on your wedding," the EMT called out.  
  
"Thanks," Nick replied.  
  
~*~  
  
Upon the ambulance's departure, the party disbanded and returned to their respective hotels. Of course, the Stokes family all made their way to the hospital. Sara and Nick stayed to change into something more comfortable before heading to the hospital.   
  
They all sat in the waiting room, all in their nice suits and fancy dresses; each either sat on a chair or paced. Back and forth, and back and forth. Tick, tock, tick, tock. Minutes, but what felt like hours passed, and Luke emerged from the delivery room. Sweat sprawled across his forehead and his face glowing proudly. Everyone was tense.  
  
"It's a girl," he proclaimed. Everyone swarmed him and congratulated him on his new family.  
  
"Well, this isn't exactly the way we pictured our honeymoon," Nick stated as he gently nudged Sara.   
  
"Hey, you ok," he posed, postponing his celebration to talk to his wife.  
  
"Yeah, perfect. Just...wow," Sara managed to say, no planning in the world could have anticipated this event. Nick kissed her forehead; he was aware that Sara, in her unique way, wanted this to be a perfect day. Alas, some plans do not always run smoothly.  
  
"Well, at least it makes our wedding the more memorable," Sara half cracked. Nick chuckled softly. Both of them stood up and joined the celebration, exchanging hugs, kisses, and bathed in tears of joy.  
  
~*~  
  
"Can we come in," Nick's mother whispered.   
  
Her tone was a deviation from her usual booming voice, but it suited the room appropriately. Behind her were eager uncles, aunts, and cousins, impatient to see the family's new addition. They hovered around the door before Michelle, who was lovingly cradling her new daughter, waved them in. As they entered and first saw the girl's angelic and serene face, a chorus of 'awws' was whispered. Nick and Sara were the last to enter, not because they wanted to; but because they didn't want to risk bodily harm from overjoyed relatives. They watched as Evelyn and Robert embraced their new grandchild; then Carrie helped her daughter, Emily, hold her new cousin. Although uneducated in the art of holding a child, Kate made an effort to hold her cousin, talking to her softly. The baby was then handed to Nick, who like a pro, took her into his arms.  
  
"Hi, I'm your Uncle Nicky," he whispered. Sara's heart melted.  
  
"And this, is your Auntie Sara," he continued, Sara glared at her husband's tone.  
  
"But Aunt Sara would be fine too," Sara said, leaning closer to the child. She was careful not to get too close, such a small child made her nervous, she was unsure about what to do.  
  
"You can hold her if you'd like, Sara," Michelle called out.  
  
"Think of it like a rite of passage into the Stokes family," she laughed.  
  
"But I thought getting married to your brother was enough," Sara joked, trying to change the subject. Nevertheless, insistent, Michelle motioned her to do so; the family watched.  
  
"But-" she began to say, before realizing that it would be rude not to hold the child. She looked uneasily at Nick, who was still smiling at the newborn child. At last, with care, he gently placed the child in Sara's arms; everybody could sense her unease with situation, as well as her uncertainly in holding the child.  
  
"Don't drop her, she has a perfect head," Nick kidded, but Sara didn't take notice. She ceased to breathe, as she tensely accepted the child. The baby's warmth slowly allowed her to be more comfortable with such a small child, and the child's soft and innocent face calmed her nerves as well.  
  
"Have you decided on a name," Sara asked quietly.  
  
"We haven't decided yet," Luke replied, gently taking his daughter away from Sara.  
  
"Well, we had it narrowed down to two names, Caitlin and Macy; we were going to decide after Sara and Nick's wedding. You know, after talking it out with the family," Michelle began to explain.  
  
"But she doesn't look like a Caitlin or a Macy. So I don't know, but I have to say, she picked one heck of a place and time to be born though," she smiled; now holding her firstborn.  
  
"Viva Las Vegas," Nick commented, wrapping an arm around Sara's waist.  
  
"Yeah. The meadows," Sara said aloud, but mostly to herself.   
  
Michelle looked at her sister-in-law, then at her newborn daughter.  
  
"Meadow," she whispered, the baby batted her soft eyelashes.  
  
"Do you like that name," Michelle asked. The baby blinked once more. She looked at her husband, and he smiled lovingly, kissing their baby.  
  
"Hi Meadow," Michelle said softly.  
  
"I'd like you to meet your family," Michelle continued, presenting the child to the small audience.  
  
*--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------*  
  
A/N - Las Vegas actually means 'the valleys' but 'meadows' 'valleys' same thing.  
  
Thanks a bunch to y'all who are actually taking the time to read and review; you rock so hard it can cause an earthquake. LoL. Thanks to EmmyMik, MissyJane, Mooose, candaceFABULOUS, Katrina, Kady Rilla Wholi, PeTiTeCaT, A Bloom, SisterBear, lilybelle80538, and krisnina77.  
  
Well, you know what to do and don't make me say it again…oh, ok. Love it, loathe it, review it. *smile* - oceanwave 


	4. The Gift

-- Chapter Four: The Gift --  
  
Disclaimers: Refer to Chapter One: Breathe  
  
Author's Note: This is a short chapter, but please read on and tell me what you think. Comment on what I have written so far… have fun!   
  
~*~  
  
- Three Months Later -   
  
"How's your case?"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Oh, good, good," Nick assured, looking up from the folder in his hand.  
  
"Love to go home though," he half smiled. Dark circles had formed under his eyes, his face sullen and scruffy.   
  
"You and Sara have plans for your birthday," Warrick asked.  
  
"Nah, we're just staying home," Nick replied, he was exhausted.   
  
The team had been working hard to meet a deadline, mainly a twice-postponed trial that needed to move forward. The lab's atmosphere was tense and under severe pressure, and it was a surprise that he was sitting here with Warrick, having coffee.  
  
"Yeah, hey, how is your brand spanking new home," Warrick posed, pouring coffee into a large mug. He too looked exhausted; the wrinkles on his clothes didn't lie.  
  
Nick scoffed. They purchased their first house a month prior and were now in the process of making it their 'home'. It was a modest sized home in Henderson, it had three bedrooms, two baths, a medium sized backyard, and most importantly, a safe and quiet neighborhood. The house was a steal at the price they paid; and the short drive to work was not bad either, they enjoyed driving into work together.   
  
"What?" Warrick asked, alarmed.   
  
"Sara's insane," Nick laughed. Warrick looked at his friend, confused at his friend's choice of words.  
  
"She's been rearranging the furniture non-stop. Lord knows she's already feng shuied every room in the house." He took a sip of coffee.  
  
"Feng what?" Warrick asked curiously, taking a seat across from Nick.  
  
"Exactly what I said! But wait, let me phrase this correctly, according to Sara, it is the Chinese art of positioning objects - furniture," he paused, taking another sip of coffee.  
  
"- based on the yin and yang and flow of chi," Nick answered, waving his hands in the air.  
  
"Oh, yeah, thus creating harmony in the home and between its owners," Warrick added.  
  
"I'll tell you what, it's driving me insane. She's gone off the deep end," he smiled while he stared at the dark pool of coffee in his mug.  
  
"Who's gone off the deep end," Sara inquired. Warrick and Nick looked up at each other, then at Sara.  
  
"What he meant was, I'd better be off to court, or the judge would go off the deep end," Warrick lied. 'Good luck,' he mouthed to Nick as he hurried past Sara.  
  
"Men are such horrible liars," Sara exclaimed. She walked over to Nick and handed him a beautifully wrapped box, accompanied by a gentle kiss.  
  
"Aw, honey, you remembered," Nick smiled; he turned around to face his wife. Sara grinned.  
  
He moved to stare at the box, and took note of the card. He ripped the envelope open and took the card out,   
  
'Happy Birthday! I hope you like your gift. Love, Sara'  
  
"Sara," he smiled, turning around to his face his wife.  
  
"Open the box," Sara smiled, leaning playfully on the counter. He did as he was told: slowly, he ripped the fancy paper away from the box, he gasped. 'Baby on board' a small sign read. Briskly, he turned around, speechless. He stared at his glowing wife, who at this point wore a wide and humorous smile.  
  
"Yeeha" the whole lab heard.   
  
Warrick stopped, just short of leaving the building. He turned and walked several steps away from the door to see the commotion in the lounge. It puzzled him.  
  
Catherine and Grissom paused from their conference in the layout room. They both looked up from their files, 'yeeha?' Catherine asked herself.  
  
Greg, despite his loud music, saw Nick jump up from his seat, climb over couch and passionately kiss his wife. He arched an eyebrow, 'she finally got him the new Palm Pilot,' he dismissed.  
  
People from the lab were staring.  
  
*--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------*  
  
A/N – Okay, about the 'yeeha' - before you search for objects to throw my way. I know, some people might be rolling their eyes, but can you think of another word that would communicate Nick's emotions? Yahoo? Aye? I tried my best. – oceanwave 


	5. The Fall

-- Chapter Five: The Fall --   
  
Author's Note: I don't usually write messages/comments to reviewers, but, I felt I had to.  
  
chimaera-104 – Thanks, Palms are awesome. I hope you enjoy what's coming, meanwhile, I hope you like this one.  
  
Jorja Fox – Lovely name, loved you as Dr. Maggie Doyle by the way. LoL. Anyway, thanks for your nice review.  
  
adpi24 – I'm glad that you enjoyed the chapter. And thanks – I suck – I feel so special. Well, it's s different concept, so yeah, I guess you do know the ending before the story is even told. I hope that you do continue to read, you might find some surprises along the way. *wink* *wink* *nudge* *nudge*  
  
Kady Rilla Wholi – Yeah, they're having a baby… but you must remember that Jessie is adopted.  
  
oOoOo - Well, yeeha! Hope you find something you like in this chapter too.  
  
A Bloom – FABULOUS darling, thanks for your positive review. Yeeha!  
  
SLWatson – Thanks for your review. Laugher is always good, and I'm glad you laughed.  
  
PeTiTeCaT – That's right, when the time is right. I'm happy that you liked that part.   
  
EmmyMik – I'm glad that you liked the chapter, any specific sections that you enjoyed the most?  
  
~*~  
  
- Two Months Later -   
  
The shift was unusually quiet as Nick walked through the lab's narrow corridors. Again, he was pulling a double, since their current case was a disaster. Grissom scrambled to deal with politics, while Warrick, Catherine, and Nick were madly processing evidence and running leads. With a case that was gaining much profile, the lab needed all the help they can get, and Greg was no exception. The young lab tech was making his transition from lab rat to field officer and with great timing too; but despite his great enthusiasm, DNA tests were still waiting to be processed.   
  
Nick rounded the corner, clutching the folder as he headed for the locker room; he could not wait to go home, to his wife. Sara was undergoing all the joys of pregnancy, and morning sickness was no exception, but, it made their lives that much more interesting. She was on early leave, since the various chemicals used in the lab were not the ideal environment for any pregnant woman. Nonetheless, Sara still insisted on working; she worked from home, where she laboriously reviewed reports as well as wrote recommendations regarding investigations and complaints.   
  
Nick stopped as he heard a familiar voice; he looked up from his folder, and exhaled deeply. He moved cautiously towards the DNA lab,   
  
"Honey, what are you doing here? You're supposed to be at home - sleeping," he gently asked his wife. Sara sat by Greg, as he processed evidence he himself collected from their current case.   
  
Sara bit her bottom lip, and replied, "I heard you guys needed extra help." Looking down on the ground, "what? I still work here you know," Sara protested.   
  
"I was bored. In fact, so bored, that I watched the whole Star Wars series...twice," Sara continued to protest, while she looked guiltily around the room.  
  
"Ouch," Greg commented, unaware of the cold glare that Nick sent his way.   
  
"Sara, you know that all these chemicals aren't good for the baby," Nick said affectionately. Silent as he inspected his 12-week pregnant wife, Nick's expression didn't change; instead, he frowned at his wife's protests.   
  
"I know, but you cannot imagine how boring it is to do reports and reviews at home," Sara said stubbornly.   
  
Concerned, Nick continued, "and you have to stop 'snooping' around the cases, it's not a good mind set." He referred to the many things that Sara continued to do at home in order to stay in touch with work. Daily, she still kept the police scanner on, and continued to receive case updates from Greg. This, in turn, made her the more restless at home, and it forced her to share the experience of worry and stress with her colleagues and especially her husband.  
  
After much protest and a brief staring contest, "uh, fine. I'll see you at home," Sara groaned. "Thanks for the entertainment Greg," Sara waved, walking out the lab and into the hallway.   
  
Nick heard her distant voice, but still did not move, glaring at the now defenseless lab tech. "Greg, you know that she's not supposed to be here. What were you thinking letting her stay," Nick asked angrily, slapping the man upside the head.   
  
"Hey, have you ever tried saying 'no' to a pregnant woman, especially a pregnant Sara," Greg answered, hands rising in surrender. Nick scoffed angrily, and stormed towards the locker room.  
  
- Three Days Later -  
  
"Nick, how are you doing on those fibers? We're going into court tomorrow," Grissom reminded him.  
  
The team was assembled together to review the case, and as usual, power play politics played a enormous role in moving the trial forward. It was definitely running down the wire, and everyone had his or her 'game face' on. The evidence was sprawled around the lit table, surrounded by Catherine, Warrick, Grissom, and Nick.   
  
"They're in trace-," Nick mumbled, but his ringing cell phone interrupted. "It must be Hodges," Nick continued bitterly, rolling his eyes for an added effect.   
  
"Hello?" he answered. "What? When? Is she okay? Desert Palm Hospital, Dr. Green, uh huh, okay. I'll be right there," Nick continued, as his face began to pale.   
  
Everyone looked at him, puzzled.  
  
"Sara's in the hospital," he panted, hastily searching for his next action.  
  
"What?" Grissom asked, bringing his glasses away from his face, concern engraved across his face.  
  
"I have to go," Nick managed to answer. Catherine then got up and ushered Nick towards the door.  
  
"I'll drive," she offered.  
  
~*~  
  
Sara laid in her a bed, staring coldly at her stomach. Gone was the warmth that she once felt when she swept her hand across her mounting belly. Lifeless. She had not cried yet, but her eyes were full of sorrow, guilt, and fear.  
  
'This is my fault,' she thought. 'If I had only stayed at home and did as Nick and everyone asked me to do.'   
  
"Sara!" a frightened voice called. She blinked. "Nick!" she sobbed loudly, reaching her hand out as her husband rushed to her side. His presence caused her to express her inner emotions; reaching out for Nick's support.  
  
"Shh, it's okay," he said, his voice soothing and smooth. Sara shut her eyes as tears fought to break free.  
  
"I lost our baby. I was just on my way to see you-" Sara cried, burying her body in Nick's protective arms. Her chest tightened, while her breathing came intermittently. "Nick, the blood, so much blood," she wept.  
  
"Are you okay?" Nick asked, his eyes forming a glossy surface. He cupped her face and asked, "Shh, what happened?"  
  
"I was just getting ready to meet you for lunch, but I didn't feel too well, then I felt dizzy, and then the blood, oh God, the blood," Sara managed to explain, in between audible cries. "Oh God, I'm sorry Nick, I should have listened to you. Oh no, what I have done? I lost our baby." She wailed, clutching her husband tightly, once again, shutting her eyes closed. She hoped that this was all just a horrible dream, wishing that everything were as they were supposed to be.  
  
"It's not your fault Sara," Nick reassured, his eyes now full of hot, salty tears. "There's nothing you could have done differently. The important thing is that you're alright, I don't know what I would have done if I lost both of you," Nick whispered.   
  
By the door, Catherine stood with uncontrollable tears streaming down her face. She watched as her friends processed their emotions, leaning on each other for support.   
  
~*~  
  
After hours of crying, Sara's tired body had finally surrendered to some much needed sleep. Sara leaned comfortably against the pillow, while Nick sat by her side and held her hand. It was late, and Nick wanted to get a cup of coffee; he kissed his wife before sneaking out into the hallway. As she carefully shut the door, a man approached him.  
  
"Mr. Stokes?" the man asked. He wore a white jacket, around his neck, a stethoscope. "I'm Dr. Green, I just came to check on your wife," the doctor replied.   
  
"Hello," Nick answered, forcing a reassuring smile.  
  
"Are you all right? Cases like these are emotionally draining," the man asked.  
  
"I'm all right, considering…" his voice trailed off while his eyes averting the doctor's stare. Moments of silence passed while Nick struggled to compose himself, "How is Sara?" Nick asked in a troubled tone.  
  
"She lost a lot of blood, Mr. Stokes. She underwent a complete spontaneous abortion."  
  
Nick just looked at the doctor plainly, his expression perplexed.  
  
"A miscarriage. Sara was just less than 12 weeks pregnant, in which case, the rate of miscarriages are higher. And, judging from her medical history, it seems that she was healthy and could have easily carried this child to term," the doctor explained. "But upon reexamining her, we found an exceedingly low sugar level, were you aware of this?" the doctor asked.   
  
Nick looked shocked, no words forming in his mind, nor coming out of his mouth. Both men stared at each other, while both struggled to process thoughts.   
  
The doctor hesitated to continue, "she also registered high blood pressure. Which I imagine is work related, she's a criminalist, right?" the doctor questioned. Nick finally nodded in response.  
  
"So you're telling me that it was because of stress?" Nick inquired.  
  
"Among other things, but, you have to understand, pregnancy is neither a simple nor a common biological process, there are many things that need to work in sync. Almost 25 percent of all pregnancies end in miscarriage, and it's unfortunate that you and your wife have to undergo such circumstances," the doctor sympathized. "If you'd like, I could refer you to a grief counselor," the doctor suggested, placing a hand on Nick's shoulder. He inspected Nick's face, observing the man who was tired, pallid, and with eyes that drew hopeless emptiness.   
  
"Thank you – for everything," Nick sighed. He extended a hand to the doctor, which was warmly accepted. The man then proceeded into Sara's room, while Nick stood by the door.   
  
He stood in silence; he loved his wife, but he hated the extremes through which she pushed her body.   
  
'Sara, what are you doing to yourself?' Nick asked himself.  
  
- The best-laid plans don't always go as planned. –  
  
*--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------*  
  
A/N – You know what to do, any feedback would be much appreciated. - oceanwave 


	6. Ides of March

-- CHAPTER SIX: Ides of March – The Unexpected --  
  
Disclaimers: Refer to Chapter One: Breathe  
  
Author's Notes: I've had a rotten day; so to cheer myself up, I decided to update. Thank you very much for the reviews; y'all are just awesome. To my beta, Kelly, thank you for keeping me in line. In addition, to my other equally talented and lovely beta, Steff, I'm so sorry. I apologize to you for posting so soon, but I tried very hard to improve.  
  
Alas, the show must go on; or in this case, please read and review.  
  
~*~  
  
- Five Months Later -  
  
It was the month of March and dark clouds, windy conditions and heavy rain held the city of Las Vegas captive. But the heavy atmospheric conditions did not deter the city's quick pace; instead, the city was more alive than ever. The tourists continued to flock to casinos, the thieves continued to loot, while the law enforcement trailed behind.   
  
~*~  
  
"So, I was thinking, maybe we could put in for some time off and head out for the weekend," Nick suggested to his wife. He took hold of a shopping bag as they exited a small shoe store. It was rare for both he and his wife to go shopping, but the dark weather forced them out of the house and into the mall.   
  
"No!" she simply replied. And before he could protest, she continued. "We've discussed this before; you know how busy the lab gets." She walked towards the elevator, before realizing that Nick had stopped walking behind her.  
  
"Sara, it's just a little break," he protested.  
  
"Nick, I really don't want to argue about this," she said firmly.   
  
These arguments had become constant, especially as of late. It was evident that Sara's miscarriage had taken a toll on their marriage. The lab was often a battlefield for their arguments and coldness; both of them coping in different ways. Sara, like many times before, used work as a coping mechanism. While, Nick worked just as hard in the face of a possible promotion, entailing long hours at the lab and on the field and attending more seminars. Although their schedules were very similar, they both have failed to take a break from work in a long time, barely having the time to share a decent meal. Instead, they had fallen into a routine of work, eating out of Styrofoam boxes and on occasion - sleeping.  
  
  
  
"Mommy!" a little voice called. The little blonde haired girl ran towards Sara, who was still facing Nick. The child grabbed hold of Sara's hand and tugged, "Mommy!" Sara paused before speaking another word and looked down at the little girl; she wore a plain green dress that made her eyes more pronounced. Clearly embarrassed at her mistake, the girl smiled under Sara's examination. In return, Sara smiled as well, mirroring a slight gap between their front teeth.  
  
"I'm sorry, but I'm not your mommy," Sara explained as she bent down to meet the girl's height. Her glaring expression softened as she stared into the girl's intense green eyes.  
  
"Are you lost?" Nick questioned, walking over towards the girl and looking around the mall's vicinity.  
  
"Jessica!" a woman's voice echoed throughout the crowed mall. Sara looked up at the woman and was surprised to see an uncanny resemblance to her. The woman's grasp were shopping bags; while her lean figure bore jeans and a white shirt, her hair was dark and her expression full of worry.  
  
"I'm sorry if she bothered you," the woman apologized frantically, also seeing her resemblance to Sara.  
  
"Oh, no problem," Nick smiled. The child, who at this point hid uncomfortably behind her mother, caught Sara's attention. The girl was shyly smiling at Sara; her green eyes fixed on Sara's brown eyes in a trance like state.  
  
"Well, we should probably go," the mother, replied. "Say goodbye to these nice people, Jessica," she asked.  
  
"Bye!" the little girl whispered, moving her gaze away from Sara, and now, broadly smiling at Nick.  
  
"Bye Jessica," Nick waved, as he stood beside his wife's still figure. Sara continued to stare longingly at the child - wondering. "Sara, we should go," said Nick, but Sara didn't move, deciding instead to take hold of Nick's hand.  
  
Together, they both stood - silent.  
  
~*~  
  
Nick and Sara stepped out of the mall and onto the damp sidewalk, just steps away from their parked vehicle. But as they were about to hop in,  
  
'CRASH!'   
  
An explosive twist of angry metal stopped the people on the streets.  
  
They looked up momentarily to see a silver sedan stranded in the middle of the intersection and a crowd forming around the scene. Sara was quick to turn and run towards the scene, with Nick right behind her.   
  
"This is Nick Stokes, CSI. We need emergency assistance at the corner of Spring Mountain Road and South Las Vegas Boulevard, outside the Fashion Show Mall. We have a 401. Send emergency assistance immediately," he ordered over the phone. He ran on the slick road and weaved around the crowd - following Sara's path. After squeezing his way through the crowd, he stopped, breathless and shocked by the sight ahead of him.  
  
A mass mesh of metal was all that was left of the sedan's front end. Metal debris and glass littered the intersection, a smashed headlight only meters away. The crowd just watched in silence, shocked, unable, and too afraid to help.   
  
"Nick!" he heard Sara's voice call. "We need an ambulance!"  
  
It forced him out of his musing while he looked around, but his wife was out of sight. "Sara!" he called with concern. He rounded the car and found her crouched by the driver's side. Both of them stared at the body that slumped over the steering wheel. The woman was unmoving, her clothes covered in blood. Sara was careful as to check for the woman's wounds.  
  
"Mommy!" a girl's voice called from the back of the car. Horrified, both Nick and Sara froze as they looked to see a little girl in the back seat. Nick then took a step back and pulled open the door, he stopped.  
  
"Is my mommy okay?" the little girl asked, as Sara stood behind Nick, motionless.  
  
"Hi Jessica, my name is Nick. Do you remember me?" The girl nodded. "It's okay, we'll get you all cleaned up," he said quietly.   
  
"Are you hurt?" Sara asked impatiently from behind her husband, but she noticed a small cut on the girl's forehead. The girl didn't reply, instead she reached out to Nick and he then pulled the little girl out of the seat, stood up and handed the child to Sara.   
  
The gathered crowd stood still, while the street seemed eerily silent.  
  
~*~  
  
She continued to stare at the scene, seeing past the various emergency workers and the tangled metal in the center of the once busy street. Bright lights surrounding her, as the glow of the signs and flashing emergency lights streaked the night. She heard garbled sounds of radios, police officers, and anxious EMTS in the background. Slowly, she felt time almost crawl into suspension; a feeling that she could - in all the years she has been on the job - never shake. Like a blanket, the cold feeling of time slowly fleeting covered her, watching a person at their worst.  
  
Sara blinked and looked over at the child sitting beside her. The girl had sustained a cut on the forehead, minor considering the accident's magnitude. The girl's mother was still trapped in the car, with firefighters and EMTs desperately working to free her from the wreckage. Sara could only hope that the mother would come out of this all right. Upon the rescue workers' arrival, Sara took Jessica away from the frantic rescue efforts and the crushed metal; together, they sat in the Tahoe. Jessica was under the care of an EMT, quiet sobs escaping her lips, and wincing at the burning sensation of the antibacterial cream.  
  
"Is my mommy okay?" the girl asked, turning head to look at Sara. The EMT also looked at Sara.  
  
"Well, uh, we'll have to see. But right now, we have to take care of that cut on your forehead," Sara answered plainly. The girl cracked half a smile, seemingly content with the answer. "Can you stay with her for a second?" Sara requested, looking at the EMT.  
  
"Sure," the woman replied.  
  
"I'll be right back, ok, Jessica?" Sara told the child. The girl nodded.  
  
Sara then got out of the Tahoe and walked towards the intersection. She entered the scene, but was welcome with a horrible sight. Her heart halted briefly, they were now trying to revive the mother – with the crushed door sawed in sizable sections. Off in the distance, she saw a familiar face, and she felt relief wash over her.  
  
"Sara! How is she?" Nick asked. His face smudged with dirt, and it was apparent that he had sustained a cut on his forearm.  
  
"Um, she's in car," Sara waved, and pointed towards the parked car's direction. "Nick you have to get that cleaned up," Sara pointed.  
  
"I'm fine." He insisted. "Are you alright?" he asked. Sara nodded as she motioned for a medic to look at Nick's arm.  
  
"They find anything useful?" she asked.  
  
"A busted headlight, some paint transfer and a ton of glass," Nick replied.  
  
"You need any help?" She asked, brushing his forehead.  
  
"Nah, it's under control. Warrick just finished taking photos and Catherine's checking surveillance," he answered, pointing at the traffic camera mounted atop the traffic lights. "And Brass is talking to witnesses in the crowd," he continued.  
  
"The mother?" Sara asked, with her voice above a whisper.   
  
But Nick didn't reply, he simply looked past Sara and frowned. Sara followed his gaze and saw a stretcher whisking a still body away, saddened paramedics putting away their equipment. The matter of saving a life had now turned into the business of death. Nick stood still, in a state of shock and unable to move, it was not until he felt Sara's arms wrap around his waist that his tense posture began to relax.  
  
"Nick, what are we going to do with her?" Sara asked.  
  
"Honey, you know what's going to happen," Nick replied sympathetically. "I called Nancy; she's already on her way down. We have to wait for her family; but tonight, children's services."   
  
Nancy was a social worker who Sara came to know through the many child abuse cases she had worked on.   
  
"I know, but she just lost everything, and oh God, who's going to tell her?" Sara replied. She pulled away from Nick and looked at him. "I can't believe you already made the call; Nick, she can't stay in a shelter for the night," Sara defended.   
  
He stared into Sara's pleading eyes, "Sara, no-" Nick began.  
  
"Please," she pleaded, biting her bottom lip.  
  
"Sara-" he began. 'Please,' she mouthed. And with a little pause, "fine, just for the night," he decided. 'How does she do that?' He thought.  
  
"Thank you," Sara replied sweetly, kissing Nick on the cheek.  
  
"And you better find Nancy and sort this out," Nick called out, but Sara was already running back towards the Tahoe.   
  
~*~  
  
"I want my mommy!" Jessica cried out. She jumped out of the Tahoe and headed towards the scene.  
  
"Whoa! Hey kiddo, where are you going?" Sara asked as she bumped into Jessica. The girl had a frantic desire to continue running; but she picked up the weeping girl and looked her over.  
  
"I want my mommy!" the girl screamed. Her cheeks were crimson, and her tense facial features were aggravating her newly treated forehead. Sara cowered at the child's request.  
  
"Calm down Jessica - breathe," Sara whispered. She looked up, saw a middle-aged woman stepping down from the Tahoe, and frowned upon realizing who it was. "Hi Nancy," she greeted.  
  
"I'm sorry," the woman began, trying to take the distraught child from Sara.  
  
"I want to see my mommy!" she cried out once more. She wiggled out of Sara's arms and fought hard against Nancy's grasp. Finally, she broke free and began running towards the intersection.  
  
"Jessica!" Sara called out.  
  
~*~  
  
Nick turned his attention away from a detective when he heard Jessica's hysterical pleading. He looked on curiously while she fought hard to break away from Sara and Nancy, her cries intensifying. "Excuse me," he interrupted the man.  
  
Running, running, running.   
  
Jessica ran, her cries more audible, her feet pounding against the damp street. She was running directly towards Nick's direction, gasping for air - crying. But before she could run any further, Nick swept the child off the ground and pulled her close. She buried her face in Nick's broad shoulders, her cries now muffled.   
  
"Hey, hey, shh," Nick calmed, stroking the child's wispy blonde hair.  
  
"I-want-my-mommy," she requested, her voice more relaxed.  
  
"Shh, it's okay," he said as he rubbed the child's back to calm her breathing. He continued to hold the child in his arms, allowing his heartbeat to relax the intense pounding of Jessica's heart. Sara and Nancy watched – speechless. He listened for her quiet sobs before walking towards the nearest sidewalk. He placed her on his lap and inspected her face, he attempted to fix strands of hair that stuck to her sweaty neck, but she managed to wiggle way from such attention. "Hey Jessica, I know you're sad," he started. She remained silent.  
  
As he continued to talk, she turned her attention on the ring that Nick wore on his middle finger and started involuntarily playing with it. She began rotating it around his finger, now oblivious from Nick's words.   
  
Feeling the friction around his finger and Jessica's eyes avoiding his, he then realized that she was not paying attention. "Tell you what, why don't you hold on to this for me?" Nick suggested, he then quickly took the silver band off his finger and placed it around her small thumb. It was visible to big for her, but she stuck her thumb up and looked at Nick. He grinned, thankful that the child had finally responded to his efforts. He saw such the pure innocence in her eyes; and innocence now tainted by tonight's harsh reality. It upset him, knowing that this life-changing event had scarred such an innocent child and he was afraid for her.   
  
~*~  
  
The bed was warm, a small nightlight illuminating a small corner of the room. The room was silent with the moonlight glowing through the thin curtains. Sara tucked the sleeping child into bed, and now, she was just staring at her - observing her. Jessica protested leaving the scene, the shock overwhelming her body. Her shrill cries came and gone throughout the evening, until finally, her body gave in to sheer exhaustion. It was a challenge to get her to leave the Tahoe, nor to release her grip around Nick; which forced Nancy to allow her stay with Nick and Sara.   
  
Sara knelt by the bedside and continued inspecting Jessica, who slept on a small pillow with her body curled up under the blanket. The idea of a child losing a mother pained her, especially at such a young age. Similarly, looking at such a young child made Sara to think back to her miscarriage, her unborn child and the 'what ifs.' She thought about how differently it could have been if she had given birth, how different their lives would have been.  
  
Her unresolved emotions flooded back, tears ready to fall. In turn, with haste, she turned away and walked out of the room. She let out a soft snivel, until today, Sara's continued to blame herself, convinced that her stubborn nature was the cause for much of her current problems. She also felt that Nick resented her for not taking care of herself, she felt him slipping away, along with their marriage crumbling. He was a patient man, but this had definitely begun to hurt their relationship.   
  
Tired and with mascara-encrusted eyes, she walked down the hall and into her room. She changed into her pajamas, brushed her teeth, washed her face, and quickly jumped into bed.   
  
It was cold.  
  
~*~  
  
It was early in the morning when Sara heard some movement in the kitchen, she checked and saw that Nick had come home, but was now up. She then jumped out of bed, walked lazily into bathroom and brushed her teeth.  
  
'God Sara, you look like crap,' she commented at her appearance. She then marched towards the kitchen and saw that Jessica was also awake.  
  
"Hi, I was just coming to get you," Nick smiled, "we made blueberry pancakes."   
  
Despite last night's sad occurrences, Nick tried to keep an upbeat manner, attempting to cheer up the heartbroken child. To him, it seemed that pancakes were the best remedy.  
  
"Good morning Jessica," Sara greeted, while looking nervously at Nick. Jessica sat in the chair, quiet and subdued as picking through the stack of pancakes in her plate. Sara just watched her curiously.  
  
"Hey Jess, want some fruit?" Nick interrupted.  
  
Jessica looked up to decline the offer, but instead, she let out a soft chuckle. Sara too looked up to understand Jessica's sudden change in expression. Jessica was smiling - the visible gap between her two front teeth showing; Sara smiled as well when she looked at Nick. He smiled widely at them, exposing the orange wedge in his mouth.  
  
"Matching!" Nick chuckled, swallowing the fruit while he handed Sara a cup of coffee.  
  
"Clown. You're just jealous that you don't have a smile like ours," Sara commented, reaching for a pancake.  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry, did you want some pancakes?" he asked, swiping the plate away with a smirk.  
  
*--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------*  
  
A/N – Yes, it was an abrupt ending, but hey, it did include pancakes. Don't worry; there are better things to explore later. Hehe.  
  
The corner of Spring Mountain Road and South Las Vegas Blvd is an actual intersection and the Fashion Show Mall is a mall in the middle of Las Vegas too. I am not advertising the location, but I am citing it as an actual location. P.S. I don't own any of it; it'd be cool if I did though.  
  
Historical tidbit: The title, 'Ides of March' is reference to Julius Caesar's assassination on March 15, 44 BCE. As well as Shakespeare's famous line from 'Julius Caesar' – "Beware the ides of March." It goes deeper than that, but I'll let you look it up.   
  
Liked it? Or was it a disgrace? Review and tell me if and why you like/hate it; because it does help me write something that you would hopefully prefer/enjoy reading. - oceanwave 


	7. Below the Surface

-- CHAPTER SEVEN: Below the Surface --  
  
Disclaimers: Refer to Chapter One: Breathe  
  
~*~  
  
- Eight Months Later -   
  
"Guilty!" The foreman condemned. The courtroom was sterile, and the judge's gavel pounding intensely against the heavy wood, each strike echoing the sound of justice. Together, the night shift sat looking on as the bailiff escorted the guilty man out of the room. Together, they remembered the cold night in March when an accident influenced their lives. The driver was young, careless, and under the influence. But in the end, after facing the evidence, his mind betrayed him. He drove the car that claimed the life of Jessie's mother, he was the idiot who left the scene, and now, he was the man going behind bars.   
  
~*~  
  
- Four Months Later -  
  
It was a late Sunday afternoon, and although it was already March, the weather was still gloomy. They all wore dark clothing as they stood, surrounded by the silence of the dead, each of them holding a white lily. Amongst the rows of old stones, they looked intently at the cold granite tombstone before them. Jessie was the first to kneel on the ground and place the flower atop the stone, while Sara and Nick lit two white candles. It was a year ago that they buried Jessie's mother; among those in attendance were Nick and   
  
Sara's coworkers and although they had hoped for someone from Jessica's past to attend, nobody arrived. Currently, she was living with Nick and Sara as their foster child, while the courts sorted out the details of her adoption. Together, they stood under the dark clouds, watching as the candle's flame flickered.  
  
"Come on Jessie, it's getting cold. We should head home before it rains," Nick said quietly. "We'll stay back here, and wait for you." Both he and Sara moved several steps away from the child, and watched her say a few words.  
  
"Hi, Mom. It's me, Jessica," she began. "That's Nick and Sara. You remember them right? Don't worry; they've been taking good care of me while you're up there with the angels. They really love me and I really love them too, but I still miss you. I hope that every night you hear me when I talk to you, because Nick says that praying is like calling you over the phone. I just wanted to tell you that I'm okay, and that I love you." The girl sobbed quietly as she knelt. In the distance, she looked at Nick and Sara, watching them watching her. She heard a loud crash in the background and she knew that rain would pour any minute now.   
  
"Bye, Mommy, I love you. I have to go but I hope you are getting all my phone calls." Jessica jumped up and ran towards where Nick and Sara were standing. Together they headed home.  
  
At home, while rain poured heavily outside their home, Jessica, Nick, and Sara settled themselves on the couch accompanied by a bucket of popcorn. With a blanket over them, they put their feet up on the table and waited while the opening scene of 'The Lion King' came into view. Jessica squeezed herself between Sara and Nick, as she clutched the bowl of popcorn. Leaning into Nick, she struggled to reach for the coffee table's edge. Finally, after much squirming, she found a comfortable position and commenced to munch on the popcorn. As the movie continued, Jessica began singing to Timon and Pumbaa's 'Hakuna Matata'.  
  
"Daddy, that tickles," she giggled, a soft kiss on her forehead interrupting the song.  
  
Both Sara and Nick paused and looked at each other, surprise in their faces. "Jessie, what did you say?" Nick asked.  
  
"I said, that tickles," she replied.  
  
Sara was dumbfounded. "No, the part before that."  
  
Jessica hesitated to reply, and looked around before repeating herself, "Daddy, that tickles?" Feeling uneasy under Sara and Nick's gaze, she shifted nervously in her seat. "Is that okay? I mean, calling you mom and dad?" she asked shyly.  
  
"Uh, well, it's your choice. If you want to call me Dad, then yeah," Nick replied, his tone shaky. "Don't feel that you have to, but if you want to, sure. Dad sounds good." He smiled nervously.  
  
Jessica then looked up at Sara, waiting for a response. "Mom?" she whispered.  
  
Sara's heart soared, her smile communicating what her mouth could not say. "If you want," she finally replied. Aghast, Sara looked over at Nick, who was still speechless." Both were in a state of shock, but the smiles on their faces were a more genuine indication.  
  
"Mom, Dad, you're missing the best part," Jessica insisted.  
  
~*~  
  
- Nine Months Later -  
  
It was already Christmas and the air was dreadfully cold. The year had come and gone, and the Christmas cheer was adding more to the buzz around the lab. It was almost a year since Sara and Nick filed to adopt Jessica, and this Christmas marked her official admittance into their family. They waited anxiously during the adoption process; both worried that at any day they could lose her to a relative. However, as time passed, nobody came forward to claim guardianship over the child. With help from Nancy and support from their family and friends they came to raise Jessica as their foster child.   
  
They had committed much time to providing for Jessica. They enrolled her in a school not too far from the lab and made sure that they were always there for her. After much discussion, the couple decided to make some changes to their schedule: Sara now worked during the day while Nick still worked the usual graveyard shift. Prompted by Nick's experience as a child and Sara's similar insecurities with babysitters, the adjustment was something that they both were willing to make. Nonetheless, this long emotional journey was something that Nick and Sara ventured into full-heartedly, both wanting to fulfill the void in their lives.  
  
It was the holidays, and Sara -- after much pressure from her parents -- agreed to spend Christmas in San Francisco. She was particularly sympathetic since her parents were spending Christmas by themselves. Sara's brother was spending Christmas with his in-laws, and she felt it wasn't right for anyone to be alone during the holidays. Jessica, or Jessie as everyone had come to call her, made a great impression on everyone, especially her ecstatic grandparents. They loved her great energy, positive attitude, and sense of fun, as well as the great joy that she appeared to have given Nick and Sara.  
  
~*~  
  
"Stokes," he said, pausing momentarily to answer his cell phone.  
  
"Hi. Are you on your way home?" It was Sara.  
  
"I'm busy right now, but I'll be home soon."  
  
"Nick, remember that we're leaving for San Francisco tomorrow morning." She sounded annoyed.  
  
"I know. I'll be home long before then. But listen, I have to go, can you put Jessie on the phone?" There was a pause and Nick listened to the sound of soft shuffling in the background.  
  
"Dad?" Jessie's voice questioned.  
  
"Hi sweetie, you ready for bed?" Nick asked in a softened tone. "Brush your teeth? Call the angels?"   
  
"Yup. We're still going to visit grandma, right? And you're coming, right?"   
  
"Of course I am. I wouldn't miss Christmas with you." He smiled, somewhat caught off guard by her comment.  
  
"Well, It's just that you're always busy catching the bad guys - and you always look so tired - and you're always-" Jessie began to explain.  
  
"Jessie, I know that I'm always busy, but I'm coming with you. I can't imagine spending Christmas any other way." He closed his eyes in distress as he processed Jessie words - he was tired.  
  
"Promise?" Jessie asked hopefully.   
  
"Promise. Goodnight my dear meerkat," he replied, referring to Timon, Jessie's favorite character from 'The Lion King.'  
  
"Night Pumbaa," she giggled, kissing the phone receiver. Nick laughed and did the same.   
  
~*~  
  
After a one and a half hour nonstop flight, thirty minutes at the baggage claim and twenty minutes stuck in traffic, they finally arrived at the Bay Bed & Breakfast. The house was nestled in a quiet bayside neighborhood, surrounded by tall trees and quaint houses. They parked their rental car in front of the cottage style house with a stone walkway leading to a small porch. Tress lined the winding street, while a prominent large oak tree sat on the left-hand side of the house. This was certainly a picturesque place to visit, and many people often came over the summer. However, the neighborhood did not feel aged. Rather, the old styled homes stood with an air of youthful life; young families with young children mixed with the calmer presence of an older generation.  
  
"Hello?" Sara called out. As they walked through the unlocked doorway, they welcomed by the house's warmth and the heavenly smell of apple cider.   
  
"Nick? Sara?" Her mother's voice answered back from upstairs.  
  
"Merry Christmas!" Nick greeted, cheerily. He placed their bags by the door as he curiously inspected the home.  
  
"Frank, the kids are here!" Sara's mother called out.   
  
"That must be Jessica," Frank whispered. They looked at the small child who was wandering around the living room.   
  
"Oh Sara, she's an angel," Maggie continued.  
  
They all looked towards the living room and watched Jessica take in her surroundings.   
  
Jessie looked around the softly lit living room; a tall Christmas tree stood by the fireplace with a bright shining star at its highest point. The room was meticulous with each having its own place; a neatness that very much mirrored Sara's organized fashion. The surrounding area was lit and warmed by a fire in the fireplace.   
  
"Jessie, can you come here for a second?" Nick asked. The girl turned around and saw that she had drawn an audience; both grandparents standing side by side, watching her carefully. She smiled as she shyly walked over by Nick's side and quickly hid behind him. All the while, she inspected the grandparents who she had only spoken to over the phone. Sara's mother bent down to greet Jessie while Frank tried to catch the child's attention. Nervous, Jessie remained behind Nick and smiled politely at them.  
  
"Jessie, come on, don't you want to greet grandpa and grandma a Merry Christmas?" Nick asked, still trying to lighten Jessie's grasp around his leg.  
  
"Merry Christmas," Jessie whispered. She looked up for her father's approval, but upon meeting his gaze, she realized that she should probably step forward and smile. She did so shortly, before taking refuge behind Sara.  
  
"Oh it's alright; we have the holidays to get to know each other." Maggie grinned. "Are you hungry?"  
  
Discussing the lighter side of their lives, together, they enjoyed a quiet evening dinner.   
  
~*~  
  
The following morning looked promising, and it seemed like a nice day to go out into the country. The city at this time of year was packed with eager shoppers, tourists, and frenzied families. The temperature was cool, but it was sunny and the sky was crystal clear. They drove south of the city, to Francis Beach, near Half Moon Bay where Sara and her family often visited.   
  
The beach was empty, the nippy air driving away the usual crowds. The view from the rocky mountain that overlooked the ocean was spectacular. Hues of blue washed across the sandy beach below while the water stretched far into the horizon.   
  
"Dad, the sand's cold," Jessie complained.  
  
"Are you sure you it's not because you want to break my back?" Nick asked.  
  
"Nope!" she giggled.  
  
"Alright, come here," he answered, with a mock sigh. She jumped up and hopped on Nick's lowered shoulders. He winced at the extra weight.  
  
"Easy there, Jessie," Sara chided.  
  
"Hi, Mom. Look what I can do! No hands!" Jessica called out. She waved and wiggled in her seat as she let go of her grip around Nick.   
  
"Jessie!" Sara scolded.   
  
Nick laughed at Sara's expression while Jessie stabilized herself.  
  
"I don't know why you let her do this, your back is going to bother you for the rest of the holidays," Sara laughed.  
  
"Well I was hoping that I could get a massage," he teased.  
  
"Aha, you sneak! Well, fat chance. You brought this onto yourself," Sara said, matter-of-factly.  
  
"Really?"   
  
Sara arched an eyebrow. Nick placed a lingering kiss upon Sara's lips and pulled back. "Okay…fine…maybe," she replied, leaning up to kiss him.  
  
"Does this mean I get a kiss too?" Jessie giggled.  
  
~*~  
  
They walked along the seashore until they could no longer bear the chilly winds. The day trip was fun, and they very much looked forward to the quiet dinner at the B&B. However, before hopping into the rented vehicle, Nick insisted to taking a snapshot of Sara and Jessie. With much reluctance, they finally posed in front of a large boulder, sitting atop the cliff overlooking the ocean. It was a reminder of their day on the beach - as a family.  
  
~*~  
  
- Christmas Day -  
  
"Stokes." He answered his phone reluctantly. "What? What do you mean? Today? It's Christmas morning! Fine, I'll try get there as soon as I can," he replied through clenched teeth. He strolled back to the living room, where Jessie, Sara and her parents assembled. Together, they sat around the Christmas tree, sipping hot chocolate in their pajamas.   
  
"Hey, is everything okay?" Sara asked. She continued to stare at Nick, while Jessie ripped through various colored presents.   
  
"Yeah, absolutely," he answered. "How about we get to the rest of those presents? Here Jessie, you can open the present that Warrick gave you." He was obviously trying to avoid the situation, which earned him a fixed stare from his wife.  
  
"Nick, can I talk to you for a second?" Sara interrupted.   
  
Nick looked up at the sound of her voice and noticed the icy glare from Sara's fiery eyes.   
  
"Excuse us," Sara said. Together, they walked into the kitchen. "What's going on? Who called?" she asked without hesitation.  
  
"It doesn't matter," he replied cryptically. She looked into his eyes, moments passing, waiting for him to continue. "They want me back at the lab," he confessed.  
  
"It's Christmas morning!" she exclaimed, before realizing where she was. Inhaling deeply, she paused and looked over at her parents, who were now curiously staring at both of them.   
  
"They want me there as soon as possible. Tomorrow. The serial case is heating up, and the lab needs me," he protested.   
  
"Tomorrow? Yeah, that makes it a lot better," Sara dismissed sarcastically. "You know, the lab isn't the only one that needs you."  
  
"It's--"  
  
"Hey, Mom! Wanna guess what grandma gave me?" Jessie interrupted. She held up a striped red and white sweater, and smiled.   
  
"That's nice sweetie, how about you come with me? I have to talk to you."   
  
Sara smiled. "We'll leave Daddy alone for now; he needs to think some things through." She reached for the child's hand while she led her back towards the living room. "You better start packing," she urged Nick, her angry stare quite possibly lethal.  
  
He could do nothing but stand by the kitchen sink, numb and soaked with bitterness.  
  
*--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------*  
  
A/N – Ack, some parts were corny/fluffy. If you think the whole Timon & Pumbaa thing was absurd; in my defense, all I have to say is – 'they are awesome and funny.' Come on!  
  
I don't' own 'The Lion King' or anything associated with the product. I simply borrowed them for the sake of listening to 'Hakuna Matata'. 


	8. Mistress

-- CHAPTER EIGHT: Mistress --  
  
Disclaimers: Refer to Chapter One: Breathe  
  
Author's Note: For your safety, as well as for my safety (but mostly my own), please rid your immediate vicinity with any sharp objects. Thank you, and read on.  
  
~*~  
  
- December 26 -  
  
The plane was making its final decent, when the pilot made his final announcement. Nick was poised to prepare his luggage. He took the first flight out of San Francisco, the weather cloudy and his daughter shedding tears. He and Sara were on the worst terms; she barely even spoke to him on the drive to the airport, nor did she bid him farewell upon boarding the plane. In such circumstances, he too was upset, not so much at Sara but his job and the marriage he had with his job. He resented himself for leaving and was saddened by Jessie's disappointment.   
  
It was going to be a long night.   
  
~*~  
  
Nick just arrived from the latest murder scene; it was the fifth in a string of murders already. At this point, the severity of the attacks was intensifying and as the primary, Nick had to be at the scene. He was working the case with Warrick and the new girl from New York, Mia. She specialized in material and element analysis, and was Sara's replacement upon switching to the day shift. It was the end of shift and before returning to the evidence, he just wanted to go home and take a shower, possibly even eat something.   
  
- NICK'S POV –  
  
"Hey Nick," she greeted.   
  
"Hi Mia." I smiled, pouring myself a generous amount of coffee.  
  
"Sorry about taking you away from your holidays," she said, apologetically. I cringed at the thought of what I left in San Francisco. Leaving Sara and Jessie, but this was important too, I couldn't let other children die, the madness had to stop. I walked around to take a seat on the sofa, putting my mug on the coffee table. She grabbed a cold bottle of water from the fridge and moved to sit across from me; I watched her flip through the magazine while taking occasional sips of water.  
  
"How did you end up working this case anyway?" I asked. The room's silence ever deafening and my words sounding sharp.   
  
"I finished my case, and when we got the call, Warrick had some family business to take care of, so instead, you got me," she answered.  
  
"It's Christmas," I said.  
  
"Yeah, but my family's too far away, and too big to come visit me."  
  
"Well, Merry Christmas," I replied. There was a long pause, but this time, she was the one to break the silence.  
  
"So, you have family in San Francisco?" she asked, moving her fingers around the coffee mug's edge.  
  
"Uh no, I'm from Texas, but my wife's from San Francisco," I admitted, flashing my gold wedding band.  
  
"Oh, well, that's nice. Again, I'm really sorry about having to call you back," she said.  
  
I smiled politely, sipping my coffee, although the line of questioning did make me quite uncomfortable. I grimaced at the repulsive taste of the coffee. "This is not Greg's brew," I chuckled.  
  
"Why don't I make it up to you, breakfast maybe? Discuss the case," she offered, her smile was infectious as I considered her offer. "I'm hungry, and well, I have to eat out anyway."  
  
"Well, breakfast can make me forgive and forget," I begin. "Sure, why not? Where are we going?" I asked, after thinking on it for a few moments.   
  
Once more, she smiled widely, a smile that seemed to have faded from Sara's face.   
  
~*~  
  
This place was different from the diner we frequented; this was located almost on the other side of town, closer to her place, and it was a great pancake place located at the Green Valley Ranch. It looked warm and cozy, especially from the small corner booth where we sat.   
  
"It's great that your wife understood your situation," she started, pouring heaps of ketchup on the plate of ham and cheese omelette.  
  
"Understanding, sure. Forgiving, maybe not." I frowned. Likewise, I proceeded on pouring syrup on the stack on pancakes on my plate. Curious, I watched as the red tomato goo overwhelmed her plate. "If you just wanted ketchup for breakfast, we could have saved money and bought a bottle," I said, not sure why I was chuckling about something so... well, simple, I guess.  
  
"Oh, sorry," she apologized, closing the ketchup bottle's lid. "I just like ketchup, I don't' know if it's just a New York thing, or me," she continued. I laughed at the guilty face she wore, her cheeks pink from embarrassment. I persisted on watching her eat; mesmerized.  
  
"My wife, Sara, hates ketchup," I said out of nowhere, as I reached for the bottle. My hand brushed her warm hand lightly, and we look at each other, letting our contact linger.  
  
"Sara Sidle, right." She blinked. I nodded, moving my hand away, my cheeks flushed.  
  
It wasn't long before we finished our meals; we sat around for a little while, chatting mostly. I must say that I learned a lot about a different world, her world being much different from my own. We shared stories like old friends, and paid for our meals, laughing until we both reached our vehicles.   
  
"Hey, I don't know about you, but I think those three cups of coffee were a little much. Want to come over and watch the special on Mayan civilizations, or walk or something?" she offered, with a slight glint in her eyes.  
  
'I should really get home; Sara will probably call me soon. But, she can always reach me on my cell, besides, she is mad at me. What's the hurt in watching a television special?' I thought.  
  
"Lead the way," I answered.  
  
~*~  
  
- One Month Later -   
  
"Hey Greg, thanks for the favor, I really need those priority results, " she said, madly fiddling with her cell phone.  
  
"Greg--" she looked up. There stood Greg, sitting in his desk while Nick and Mia stood side by side –- closely, too closely. The woman had red hair, a glowing tan, sparking blue eyes and luscious red lips. She wore a cute little ensemble, crisp cream pants paired with a low cut black top.  
  
Sara's head started pounding, her heart beating faster, blood flowing at an accelerated pace. She glared at her husband, who stood stiff upon her inspection.   
  
"Hi, I'm Sara – Nick's wife," she introduced, no longer interested in test results.  
  
The room fell silent. Tension was building, overwhelming the room.  
  
"I'm Mia Harlot. Nice to meet you," she introduced in turn, her Brooklyn accent a little stronger.  
  
"You must be new, I've never seen you around," Sara said, trying to be casual and failing. Her tone started to sound cold and defensive... jealous. Despite all the trust she had in Nick, she was fully aware that both of them probably spent more time together than she and Nick.   
  
"I got transferred here about a month ago from New York," Mia answered, eyes fixed on Sara's.  
  
"Oh, so you must have been here for that serial case, around Christmas?" Sara asked.  
  
The young woman swallowed hard. "Oh, yeah really tough case. Thank God your husband was able to come in. He was just instrumental in helping me with the case."  
  
"I bet," Sara replied bitterly. "I'll see you around." She turned, biting her lip, hoping that no one noticed.  
  
"Greg?" she asked. The frightened man stood up and handed Sara the printout and carefully backed away, baffled by what he just witnessed. She paused to look at the cowering man; her head ached as the sweet smell of peaches flooded her senses.   
  
"You should keep your lab properly ventilated," she barked, grabbing the paper out of the tech's hand, and storming out of the room.  
  
"Sara--" Nick protested, reaching out for her arm. But she brushed off his attempt, squirming away at his close proximity.  
  
~*~  
  
"I'll see you tomorrow," Nick whispered while he kissed the red haired woman who sat next to him. "Mia, thanks for helping me out."  
  
He grinned as he watched the sedan drive out of the parking lot and onto the busy road.  
  
"Hey Nick, have you seen Mia? She forgot to sign some papers," Grissom asked over his shoulder.  
  
"Uh, um, no," Nick lied.  
  
"Uh, you smell, like…peaches? Anyway, how's your case going?"  
  
"Uh, just finished processing the case about a dead showgirl in her dressing room out in Henderson," he fibbed. "And, I grabbed myself some breakfast at the pancake house; I have a load of paperwork to file."   
  
"Okay, just don't work too hard," Grissom smiled. "Go home, to your beautiful wife and your beautiful daughter. You and Mia have been working hard. Take the night off, I'll get someone from days to cover," he added over his shoulder, as he walked away.  
  
"Thanks. But, speak for yourself," Nick called back.  
  
"I have the night off." Grissom grinned, turning around to face Nick, walking backwards.  
  
Nick paused before opening the lab's doors. "You're taking a night off? Where are you going?"  
  
"Lindsey's dance recital; she's practicing for Julliard," Grissom answered proudly. "Go home, Nick!"   
  
Nick muttered, "Yeah, yeah. I'm almost done."   
  
~*~  
  
He drove up to his house, sighting the other Tahoe that sat in the driveway. His mind wondered why his wife was home, for it surely wasn't her day off. In fact, he was sure that she was on call. He put the vehicle into park and quickly jumped out of the truck. He slowly walked towards the end of the driveway and gathered their mail. With envelopes in hand, he walked back towards the house and unlocked the door. As the door swung open, he looked up and saw his wife sitting on the staircase.  
  
"You forgot." Her eyes were fixed on him, her voice was calm, but her tone was biting.  
  
"Forgot what?" Nick asked, taking his sunglasses off. Sara remained silent, continuously staring at her husband.  
  
"Jessica's field trip today, you were supposed to take her," she finally answered, sharply, as she furiously stomped towards the kitchen.  
  
"Was that today?" Nick cringed as he followed Sara into the kitchen. Sara's growl confirmed that Jessie's field trip was indeed today. "I'll talk to her. I'm sorry," he apologized. He pulled open the fridge and took out a bottle of water. "I'm sorry that you had to take time off from work."  
  
Sara continued to pile dishes into the dishwasher angrily, and barely even making eye contact. "Hot case?" she finally questioned.  
  
"Yeah," he replied plainly and turned to walk down the hall.  
  
"You better take a shower first. You really picked up a lot of shitty smells from work." Sara suggested. "Hey Nick!" she called to him, forcing Nick to turn. "I never knew you liked smelling like peaches," she said cynically.  
  
"Sara-" Nick began, but knowing that this would turn into a harsh argument, he turned to walk up the stairs.  
  
"What? Sara what?!" Sara asked angrily.  
  
"I don't want to talk about this," he simply replied.  
  
"Maybe we should talk about it, especially since it involves me and Jessica. I think we've let this sleep for a while," Sara answered, walking furiously towards the stairs. Nick continued to walk up the stairs, still silent. "Where did you take your whore this time? Where did you take Mia, some cheap motel off the Strip? Huh, Nick?!"  
  
"Sara, stop," Nick answered.  
  
"Mommy!" Jessica's voice pleaded. She was in the backyard, playing in the tree house that Nick, Greg, and Warrick managed to put together.  
  
"I think it's time we take a break away from 'this'," she continued. She then slowly walked down the stairs and when she reached the bottom of the staircase, she gave Nick's still figure a final glance.  
  
*--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------* 


	9. Temptation

-- CHAPTER NINE: Temptation –-  
  
Disclaimers: Refer to Chapter One: Breathe  
  
Author's Note: Please be aware of some course language in this chapter. I have increased the rating to PG-13, just in case. Anyway, just beware if such language offends you.  
  
Spoilers: For this chapter, reference to some episodes during all three seasons to date is fair game.   
  
~*~  
  
- Later that Day –  
  
- SARA'S POV –   
  
For almost an hour, I drove in and around Las Vegas, only to end up here, outside the Green Valley Ranch Casino in Henderson. It was a cool summer night and I'm enjoying the solo time, despite the rush of people around the casino. I certainly haven't been able to think by myself lately; if I wasn't at work, I would be at home with Jessica and in between, I'd usually be rushing to run some simple errands. Here I was, doing 100 when the speed limit read 40; running around like a lunatic while Nick went off with that bitch.  
  
I parked the car and walked for several minutes; I glanced around and realized where I was. I was in front of a popular watering hole called Fadó. I hesitated to enter, but the urge to rid myself of my bitterness and anger forced me to push open the door. Standing in the front entrance, I heard the loud broadcast of the rugby match in the background as I scoured the place for a seat. At last, I spotted a free seat next to the window, and so I perched myself there and ordered myself a cool bottle of Carlsberg.  
  
"Sara?" I heard a voice question. "Is that you?" he continued.  
  
Without looking up, I immediately recognized the distinctive voice. 'Great, just what I need,' I told myself, but managed to smile politely and answer, "Hi Grissom." I immediately ask myself what he was doing here, but then again, I can ask myself the same question.  
  
"What are you doing here?" he asked, pulling up a stool beside mine.  
  
"Can't a girl go out for a drink anymore?" I replied, trying to deflect the attention. He looks at me with furrowed eyebrows and knocks back a shot of Irish whiskey.  
  
"I gave Nick the night off, is he around?"  
  
"What's with the twenty questions? I should be asking you what you're doing here," I retorted, again, trying to deflect the question.  
  
"Fair enough. I just got back from Lindsey's recital. And, I needed to clear my head."  
  
I chuckle, "Was the show too 'hip' for you?"  
  
He shook his head before taking another long sip of whiskey. He cupped the glass between his palms before looking up at me. "Well, it wasn't Swan Lake," he joked.  
  
Together, we sat, both holding on to our drinks.  
  
"Are you and Nick all right?" he asked directly. I scoffed at his comment, before I realized that something must be bothering him.  
  
"We'll need more drinks if we go down that path," I said. "You're not here because you didn't enjoy Lindsey's show, are you?" I questioned in the same breathe. He smiled a lopsided grin.  
  
"No. No I'm not, it was a great show," he answered. "But Catherine and I got into a disagreement, and both of us just need some breathing space."  
  
'Wow, we were actually on the same boat – well, almost.' I thought. "Ditto. And we'll leave it at that," I finally confessed. I exhaled aloud and placed my head atop the empty beer bottle that I held in my hand. "It just that, ah, I don't know. It's been a never ending fight with Nick," I mumbled in frustration.  
  
The comment must have caught Grissom by surprise, since for several minutes he didn't speak. Instead, he just stared at the line of whiskeys he has consumed, all the while munching on a basket of Limerick Chicken tenders. I too passed the time by munching on a Gaelic Vegetable Boxty; it was potato pancake stuffed with grilled vegetables. And despite the awkward hour, they were still happy to serve such a unique dish, which was sort of a comfort food for me.   
  
"Sara, all marriages are flawed," he slurred. It looked as if the silence and booze had transformed him. "I can't tell you how many times Catherine and I have fought over the silliest things," he laughed. He turned his head towards me and raised the glass pint of beer in his hand.   
  
We toast before I replied, "At least you haven't cheated on Catherine." The drinks must be getting to me; for at this point, my bitterness and anger were rearing their ugly heads.  
  
"What do you mean?" Grissom asked, pouring himself some of the Smirnoff ice that I had ordered.  
  
"That fucking bastard's been cheating on me. The nerve, thinking that I didn't know," I scoffed. "He walked in today, smelling like peaches. Peaches!" At the time, it might have sounded silly, but to me, it was more than that.  
  
"You hate peaches," Grissom said. And for a man with little observation skills concerning relationships, he was right. I hated peaches. I am, in fact, allergic to them. "Sara, Nick loves you," he attempted to reassure.  
  
"He doesn't love me enough to tell me the truth. I had to find out for myself, from someone else," I answered bitterly. It was true, it was all the talk in the lab, and Greg, the true and honest friend that he was, had confided in me. We both were in the lab one night, and maybe it was the talk of divorce or infidelity that made him blurt out an indirect comment about Nick and Mia, but he said it. Now, it was out in the open, Nick's dirty laundry for the whole lab to know. For months, I have been walking around the lab in shame, but my faith in Nick burned brightly. I guess it was naïve of me to think that he'd leave her, come back to me, and tell me what he had done. "Damn him!" I cursed.   
  
"Okay, let's entertain your theory, who do you think it is?" Grissom asked.  
  
At this point, I know that the alcohol was completely blurring our senses, "That hot shot chick, Mia, from Brocklyn," I replied, swinging a class of vodka in the air as I mispronounced the word Brooklyn.  
  
"Hey, remember when you were once the hot shot girl from San Francisco?" he countered.  
  
I laughed, I remember. "Remember when I considered leaving Las Vegas for a position with the feds?"  
  
"And I sent you a plant," he snorted.  
  
"Don't feel bad, I'm the one who stayed for the bloody plant," I answered, again, laughing aloud.  
  
"Remember when I said I never cared much about beauty until I met you?" he laughed.  
  
"Or how about the time when that lawyer asked us about the 'chalk incident' a while back?" I added.  
  
"Right, the violation of personal space between coworkers," he laughed, letting out a small burp.  
  
"Remember when I asked you to dinner after the explosion?" I asked.  
  
"And I said no," Grissom confirmed. Our banter paused for a moment while I recalled the pain that I underwent. I must admit, before Nick, there was Grissom. And after the explosion in the lab, I guess you can say that it pushed me to reach out for him, I decided to take a chance to get to know him, and I thought that asking my boss to dinner would do the trick. That was, until he turned me down.  
  
"And here we are," I sighed. Here we are, miserable in our marriages and knocking back half a dozen types of drinks.   
  
"The many unanswered questions," he stated. "Like what would have happened if I agreed to have dinner with you," he continued. The tone in his voice was now serious; it forced me to look into his blue eyes. I could only laugh at his comment; but in doing so, he moved himself closer to me. My breathing became intense, as the situation grew awkward. I felt his heavy breathing as he leaned in and I unconsciously stared at his lips briefly. Tempted, I fought the urge to kiss him; but instead, he leaned in and gently brushed his lips against mine.  
  
I sat stiff, feeling nothing. And as I pulled away and searched his eyes, I knew that he felt nothing as well. I let out a laugh, and he smiled.  
  
"Not as passionate as we both built up, huh?" I managed to say.  
  
"No, not even the alcohol could get us to feel something," he clarified. "We're sad drunks," Grissom sneered.  
  
"Yup, nothing," I agreed, raising my last glass of vodka.  
  
*--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------*  
  
A/N – I do not own The Fadó Irish Pub, I just used it as an interesting location for this scene. It is an actual Irish Tavern in Henderson, and the respective dishes that I mentioned are unique to the establishment. Nor do I own the Green Valley Ranch Casino. So please, unless you want to end up with less money than you invest in lawyers, there is no advantage to suing me.   
  
By the way, random factoid, the Green Valley Ranch Casino is where they film some of CSI's actual Las Vegas scenes. 


	10. Therapy

-- CHAPTER TEN: Therapy --  
  
Disclaimers: Refer to Chapter One: Breathe  
  
Author's Notes: Against my better judgment, I've decided to post this chapter, and I'm in so much trouble for doing so. Sorry in advance to my beta; sorry Steph. *Fingers crossed* I hope that to this point, you absolute understand what has happened in the last several chapters. Also, I've tried a new narrative technique; I hope it's not too horrendous. Well, read on and send me some comments/complains – whatever.  
  
~*~  
  
- One Week Later -   
  
DOCTOR: "So, how long have you been married? Do you have any children?"  
  
SARA: "Two years," she replied. "And we have one daughter, Jessica; she just turned five."  
  
DOCTOR: "I see, and who decided to come to therapy?"  
  
NICK: "It was my wife's idea."  
  
DOCTOR: "And how do you feel about that?"  
  
NICK: "I don't really see the importance of discussing out private lives in therapy, when she can just talk to me."  
  
SARA: "Oh, and it's my fault that you can't spend time with your family."  
  
NICK: "I didn't say that, all I'm saying is that if you want to talk things through, we can just sit down, have coffee and talk. Besides, you spend as much time in labs as I do."  
  
SARA: "I-"  
  
DOCTOR: "Mr. Stokes, the first step to resolving a problem is to be less defensive. I can tell that you're very reluctant to be here, but the question is, do you want to save your marriage?"  
  
NICK: "Yes, of course, I want what's best for my family."  
  
SARA scoffs and checks her watch.  
  
NICK: "You know, it's kind of funny how you recommend coming here, and yet you're itching to leave. Waiting for some test results?"  
  
SARA: "Look, the DA is breathing down our necks and I'm on call. But I'm here."  
  
NICK: "Yeah, until that pager goes off," he said bitterly.  
  
SARA: "Listen-"  
  
DOCTOR: "Okay, this is progress. We're setting some things out in the open. Um, since this is about your jobs, why don't you tell be about what you do for a living?"  
  
SARA: "Nick works nights and I days. We both work at the Las Vegas Crime Lab."  
  
DOCTOR: "If you both are working different shifts, how do you spend time with each other?"  
  
SARA: "We see each other…sometimes."  
  
NICK: "Try seldom."  
  
DOCTOR: "Hmm, Mr. Stokes I see that you are upset with the situation, tell me, do you have anything else to add?"  
  
NICK: "Well, we just don't see each other often, between work, our daughter, and our relative – we just don't have the time."  
  
SARA: "And yet you have time for other 'extra-curricular activities'."  
  
NICK: "Sara-"  
  
SARA: "I don't even want to hear it."  
  
DOCTOR: "Wait, do you think your husband is having an affair?"  
  
SARA: "Well, when your husband is seldom at home, misses his daughter's field trips, and when he does come home, he comes smelling like cheap perfume, what would you think?"  
  
DOCTOR: "We're not looking to make assumptions here, pointing fingers isn't the way to deal with this situation,"  
  
NICK: "We already went over this."   
  
SARA glares at her husband.  
  
NICK: "I swear Sara, you drive me up that wall. One day you want me to do something, I do it, and then you change your mind. I've done everything I can, what more do you want?"  
  
SARA: "What I want? I want you to be honest with me, look I know that this isn't what you wanted. And you know, if you want out, just say so. But don't ever lie to me!"  
  
NICK: "Don't pull that holier than thou bullshit on me. Tell me what happened the other night with Grissom."  
  
SARA looked mortified, maintaining her intense stare at NICK.  
  
NICK: "Yeah, I saw you - with Grissom. I always knew that you had feelings for him, but I cannot believe that after all these years-"  
  
- FLASHBACK -   
  
- One Week Earlier -  
  
- NICK'S POV -   
  
'I hope they still have my wallet, I can't believe I left it here this morning.'   
  
I parked the Tahoe close to the pancake house and hopped out. I rushed to the other side; I opened the door to pick Jessie up from her slumber. Although she looked better, I could still hear the light wheezing as her chest rose and fell. She was undergoing a minor asthma attack, and she needed the new inhaler that Sara forgot to pick from the pharmacy. After rushing to the pharmacy, little did I know that I had misplaced my wallet, and after checking the car, the house, and the lab, it led me back here.  
  
Cradling Jessie in my arms, I walked towards the pancake house. I passed numerous shops before stopping in front of the Irish tavern that Sara and I used to frequent. I looked through the crowds of people before I saw two familiar faces.  
  
I felt a sharp stinging sensation surge through my chest with my eyes deeply staring at my wife and my boss moving closer. Suddenly, my breathing seemed to have stopped, as I watched her reaction to their kiss. But as I looked on, she barely moved an inch -- and one second too slow.  
  
Quickly, I ran towards the pancake house before I did anything brash. I couldn't let Jessie see me like that, or either of us fighting, it just wasn't right.   
  
- END FLASHBACK -   
  
SARA: "Oh? And how about Mia? What you think I didn't know, you think you can hide that from me? The whole lab knows, if you didn't notice, we're the laughing stock of the break room, the topic of the day around the water cooler. Do you know how embarrassing it is to have your husband cheat on you with someone you work with, prancing around like nothing's happened? 'Oh there's Sara, pulling another double, I pity her' they all say. So don't you dare-"  
  
NICK: "This is ridiculous!" He proceeds to get up off the couch. "You know what? I've already had taken enough of this-"  
  
SARA: "Sit!"   
  
Both the DOCTOR and NICK stare at SARA.   
  
NICK: "No, I'm not going to sit here arguing about this, believe what you want to believe, do what you want."  
  
DOCTOR: "Mr. Stokes, I think you should sit down, this isn't being productive."   
  
SARA: "I want a divorce!"   
  
NICK: "Whatever you want!"   
  
His chest heaved as he spoke such words; his eyes fixed on the woman before him. He turned to walk out the door, leaving behind his weeping wife. He walked towards his black jeep and slammed the door shut.   
  
*--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------*  
  
A/N – So, is everything fitting together now? Is anything becoming clearer? Anything? – oceanwave 


	11. Breathe Redux

-- CHAPTER ELEVEN: Breathe Redux --   
  
Disclaimers: Refer to Chapter One: Breathe  
  
Author's note: You might recognize some parts of this chapter from before, but I think you should take special notice in the TITLE and the TIMING of this chapter. Although parts are similar, it IS still DIFFERENT at some aspects, so please read on. Also, please read the A/N at the end of the chapter. Well, go on - look at the title and the timing, plus, the POV.  
  
~*~  
  
- Present -  
  
- NICK'S POV -   
  
"I want a divorce!"   
  
"Whatever you want!"   
  
My chest heaved as I spoke such words; my eyes roughly fixed on Sara. I turned to walk out the door, leaving behind my weeping wife. I walked towards my black jeep and slammed the door shut.   
  
"Dammit Sara," I cursed, slamming my hands against the stern steering wheel. Today was our first day in couple's therapy, and to my dismay, the situation ended worse off than it had begun. My head sank at the bitterness and anguish that Sara's tone had taken; the same argument had taken place over the years that we have been married. In an attempt to calm myself, I began my breathing exercises, but I groaned at the sound of my cell phone ringing. Looking over at the phone, I quickly glanced at the small picture that rested on the dashboard. I smiled slightly; I couldn't wait to get home.   
  
"Hi Jessie," I answered, and smiled a little wider before continuing, "I'll be home soon."  
  
  
  
Again, I looked over at my daughter's picture. She was utterly my pride and joy, and I very much looked forward to seeing her and getting her ready for school. With such a hectic schedule, Sara and I had enrolled her into an afternoon class to avoid any complications with our conflicted schedule. Sitting in the driver's seat, I remained distracted by the picture of Jessica and Sara side by side at the beach, smiling. Upon further study, the picture made my mind drift to my wife, and I sighed. I regretted that everything had boiled down to this moment, and hating the way I left the therapy session.   
  
'We'll get through this,' I thought optimistically, '-hopefully.'   
  
Hesitantly, I pulled out of the parking space and drove up the Strip towards the home that Sara and I shared.   
  
~*~   
  
Within half an hour, I finally reached home. I parked my car into the driveway and walk across the street to Mrs. Weathers; she was the elderly woman who occasionally looked after Jessie. I knocked on the door to announce my presence,  
  
"Daddy!" her voice rejoiced. She jumped up and pulled me into a hug, I too her up and  
  
"She was an angel, as always." Mrs. Weathers smiled.  
  
"Thank you very much for taking care of Jessie." I waved, "good bye."  
  
"Bye Mrs. Weathers, thank you for the cookies," Jessie said, stuffing another cookie into her mouth. "Daddy, would you like a cookie?" she asked me.  
  
"No thank you. We have to get you ready for school," I replied.  
  
Together, we entered our home, with the cool air conditioning relieving us from the hot Nevada sun. I put her down and sent her off to get ready. She was independent for a five year old, which was something that Sara had instilled in her at a very young age. Their routine involved me preparing dinner, while she went up to get dressed. Usually, she slept in until around nine in the morning, when she would wake up and watch television with me.  
  
After preparing chicken sandwiches for lunch, I wondered where she'd gone. "Jessie, come on, it's lunch time," I said. I heard no response, and she had been quiet.  
  
"Jessie?" I called out, walking out into the foyer and looked up at the staircase. Slowly, I marched up the stairs and walked towards her room, I knocked softly before pushing open the door. "Jessie?" I called. I scanned the room and didn't spot her.  
  
'HIC'  
  
I turned my attention to the hiccupping sound that radiated from the closet. "I wonder where little Jessie is?" I said in a playful tone. "I wonder if she's behind her giant gorilla, no. Or maybe, she's under the bed, no."  
  
"Or, maybe, she's in the closet," I playfully guessed. Each time I searched for her in each respective spot. I flung open the closet doors and saw her sitting in a corner; she was wearing a knitted red and white striped sweater while she played with the ring I had given her that hung on a chain around her neck.  
  
"Sweetie, what are you doing down there?" I asked. "You have to go to school," I said.  
  
"I don't want to go to school," she pouted. "I want to see mommy," she continued.  
  
"Jessie, you know that mommy's busy. You'll see her tonight," I replied. I tried to move her out of the cramped closet, but she doesn't move.  
  
"No!" She screamed, her eyes were misty as I looked at her. "I want to see mommy!"  
  
"Come on, we'll call mommy before you head off to school," I tried to negotiate. Again, I try to lift her up from the floor, but she just doesn't move. "Jessie. Please-" I reasoned with her.  
  
"No! I don't want to go to school, I-want-to-see-mommy!" She screamed once more, sobbing more loudly.  
  
I looked at her, her eyes were red, and her cheeks were flustered. My heart was disappointed, Sara had been pulling many doubles lately, and it was clear in Jessie's eyes that she needed her mother.  
  
"Okay, you can stay home, but only for today. Today, we can do whatever you want to, maybe later, we'll try to visit mommy," I offered. 'Missing one day of school wasn't that bad, she deserved a day off anyway, heck, I deserve a break too,' I thought. "Come here," I whispered. This time, however, she did moved and walked over to give me a hug, "okay, now stop crying," I ordered, kissing her cheek.  
  
~*~  
  
I saw Sara rush past the emergency room entrance, and I noticed her panicked face as she scanned for the closest nursing station. The room held a still silence, with nurses and various doctors walking up and down the hallway.  
  
"Sara!" I called out to her.  
  
"Nick, what the hell happened?" she asked harshly. I could feel an interrogation at hand, but thankfully, a nurse walked out of the nurse's station to interrupt.  
  
"Dr. Redken is coming down to see you now," the nurse said.   
  
"Is she okay?" Sara tried to ask, but the nurse had already returned to her post.  
  
"Why don't we take a seat?" I suggested, in hopes to calm my hysterical wife.   
  
"No, what happened?" Sara demanded. She took a step away from me and raked her fingers through her brown hair.   
  
"They just took her in to try to figure out what happened," I assured.   
  
"Answer me Nick, what happened?" She began pacing.   
  
"She wanted to go to the park, and so we did-" I began to answer.   
  
"Mr. and Mrs. Stokes?" a man questioned.  
  
Sara paused from her pacing and looked up at the middle-aged man in a white lab coat.   
  
"I'm Dr. Redken, Pediatrics," he introduced.   
  
"How is she? Can we see her?" Sara began questioning.   
  
"She's doing all right; just an asthma attack. But we're just running some tests right now. You can see her now, they're bringing her downstairs as we speak," Redken assured.   
  
"Thank you so much Dr. Redken," I replied as I outstretched my hand for a handshake. I felt my heart lift, thankful that Jessie was all right. It was bad enough that I felt exhausted, but I really could not take the strain of knowing that she was ill. I looked at Sara; relief also washed over her frantic face. Together, we sat side by side, anxiously awaiting Jessie's arrival, the clocking ticking at an excruciatingly slow pace while my mind ran rampant.  
  
"Mommy, Daddy!" a child's voice called.   
  
"Jessie!" Sara cried, rushing towards her daughter.   
  
"Hi baby, are you okay?" Sara asked frantically, bending down and pulling Jessie into a hug. Her eyes were moist, relieved to feel her daughter's arms wrap around her neck.   
  
"Mom, I'm okay, really; and look, I got a pretty band-aid," Jessica boasted. But Sara didn't look like she was paying any attention.   
  
Hence, upon receiving no reaction from her mother, Jessie looked over at me. "Daddy, look," she pointed at the band-aid on her arm, pulling away from her mother and rushing towards me.  
  
I got up from my seat, breathing a sigh of relief at the sight of my daughter; relief washing over my distressed face and the heaviness lifted from my shoulders. "It's nice," I began, while I pulled her in for a big hug.   
  
After a moment, I drew back some. "Feeling okay, sweetie?" I asked, looking squarely into her green eyes. She nodded as I placed soft kiss on her forehead. 'Oh thank God,' I reassured myself, I looked up at Sara, who seemed to mirror my relief.   
  
"Can we go home now?" Jessie requested.   
  
"Sure thing," I answered, with my voice at a calm plateau. I took her small hand into mine and looked up at Sara; he was sure that she had to return to work. "We'll see you at home tonight," I told her.  
  
"Can Mommy come home too?" Jessie pleaded, as she looked up at me, then at her mother.  
  
'That's a good question,' I commented to myself.   
  
"I'm sorry sweetie, but Mommy has work, and I'm really busy," Sara answered, guilt written on her forehead.   
  
"Okay," our daughter responded quietly, breaking away from her mother's stare.  
  
"I'll see you later," I whispered in Sara's ear, and began tugging Jessie towards the hospital's exit.   
  
~*~   
  
"Hi, you've reached Nick, Sara and Jessie; sorry, but we're not home right now. But if you leave your name and a short message, we'll get back to you as soon as humanly possible," the answering machine said.   
  
"Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Stokes, this is Dr. Redken from Desert Palm Hospital; not to alarm you, but if you could just get back to me as soon a possible, I have some concerns regarding your daughter's test results," the doctor's voice answered.   
  
~*~   
  
"What's going on?" she asked breathlessly.   
  
"Dr. Redken has some concerns about Jessie," I replied, but I was concerned, I too didn't know what had happened. I guided Sara through the maze of corridors and into the elevator.   
  
"What kind of concerns – anything serious?" Sara continued to ask.   
  
"He's running more tests. But he's admitted Jessie. She's in her room with a nurse right now," I replied, my tone swimming with worry and unease over Jessie's health.  
  
Sara stared at me, "why didn't you call me sooner?" she asked, frustrated.   
  
"I did, but you were in court," he protested.   
  
"Well, I came as soon as the trial adjourned."   
  
We both stepped out of the cold steel elevators and onto the quiet floor, a hallway stretching in opposite directions and the sounds of beeping heard from various rooms. We proceeded to march down the hallway, Sara quickening her pace as I motioned her towards the last room on the left. We paused; looking through the glass window and watching our daughter sleep peacefully as we stood.   
  
A nurse sat by the bedside, monitoring Jessie's condition. Sara closed her eyes, but head sat leveled and looked straight ahead.  
  
I just looked on, pained by witnessing my daughter's situation. I looked over at my wife; knowing that with closed eyes, she was probably trying to regain her bearings.   
  
"Ready?" I asked in a quiet whisper. She nodded. I opened the door and Sara followed me into the silent and dimly lit room. The bed was in the middle of the room, flanked by two bedside tables and a chair. On the left was a large window and right under the window a modest sized couch; the bathroom was to the right upon entering. At our arrival, the nurse stood up and made her way outside the room.   
  
Sara crept towards Jessie's bedside and pulled the blanket over her shoulders, while her other hand grasped the girl's hands. I too, made my way beside Sara and leaned over to place a kiss on Jessie's forehead. I was careful not to wake her, especially after everything she has gone through today. Both of us were still, moments passing as we kept on staring at the little girl - watching her chest rise and fall.   
  
The door slowly opened and a nurse walked in, careful with her actions, knowing not to disturb the resting child.   
  
"Dr. Redken wants to see you in his office," she whispered.   
  
Sara and I look at each other, neither one of us wanting to leave our daughter's side.   
  
"I think you both should go. I can stay here and watch her," the nurse suggested. I smiled gratefully at the nurse and took Sara by the hand, guiding her towards the doctor's office at the other end of the hallway.   
  
Sara was hesitant to leave; holding on to her child's hand until I gently pulled her hand away, leading her towards the door.   
  
~*~  
  
"Dr. Redken?" I called out, while I knocked on the door.   
  
I received a muffled response, and both Sara and I slowly made our way into the doctor's office. Unlike the rest of the floor, his office was painted a dark shade of red, a contrast to the light mint green color of the hallways.   
  
"Hello. Please, have a seat," the doctor greeted. Together, we sat side by side on the couch.   
  
'Oh, God, this doesn't sound good,' I thought while I heard Sara exhale.  
  
"This is certainly difficult for me to say," the doctor began.   
  
'Oh, this is not good,' I thought again.   
  
"But-- Okay, um, how about you, um... Can you tell me about any hereditary diseases in your families?" the doctor stammered, struggling with his words but also trying to take a more professional tone.   
  
"Uh..." Sara began, confused by the doctor's question.   
  
"Well, I just wanted to know about the history behind Jessica. Particularly her health and her genetics," the doctor replied. There was an awkward pause, while I leaned closer and sat at the edge of his seat.   
  
"Jessie is-" I started to say. The doctor leaned forward a little, eagerly waiting for the sentence's conclusion.   
  
"We adopted Jessie when she was three years old," Sara concluded for me. The doctor's head leaned back a little, taking in the situation's new development.   
  
"Why do you ask? What's wrong?" Sara asked, panicked. The doctor looked at us and inhaled heavily. "I thought it was just an asthma attack," she continued.   
  
"Mrs. Stokes-" the doctor began.   
  
"Sidle," Sara corrected. She always insisted that people addressing her properly, after all, I agreed to let her keep her last name.   
  
"Upon reviewing the test results from your daughter..." He paused.   
  
"Out with it!" Sara nearly yelled, her voice rising with impatience.  
  
"Your daughter's condition has proved to be more complicated than just a respiratory problem," the doctor answered.   
  
My heart had stopped at the instant; I glanced at my wife's pale face and I place my hand on top of hers. "Complicated?" I managed to ask.   
  
"After reviewing some results from tests taken earlier, we found a heart abnormality," the doctor answered, calmly, while trying to break the news softly. "It's partially a genetic problem, but in Jessie's case, her asthma attacks, which were caused by over exertion of the heart and lungs, caused a chain of reactions. From airway constriction, low oxygen levels, to her heart pumping insufficient amounts of blood to the body..." He took a moment, trying to figure out how to say what it was that he needed to say, but instead, settled on a question. "And based on her medical records, she suffers a lot of asthma attacks, usually due to over exertion, am I correct?"   
  
"Yes, that's true," Sara concurred, still unable to discern the doctor's message.   
  
"May I ask what Jessica was doing before she had an attack?" the doctor asked. Sara turned to face me and glared coldly.   
  
I swallowed hard, "we were at the park for about thirty minutes. I was on the phone with my niece, while Jessie ran around and played with the other kids," I admitted.  
  
"For thirty minutes?" Sara asked, astonished with a hint of intrigue in her tone.  
  
"Yeah, she was just playing - being a kid," I continued.   
  
"Being a kid? You know that she's not supposed to participate in prolonged cardiovascular activities," Sara commented, then continued, "But if you paid any attention, you would have known that."   
  
"I was paying attention. Prolonged cardiovascular activities? Sara, she was just playing with the other children!" I yelled.  
  
"You should have known!" Sara huffed.   
  
"So you know about Jessica's heart problems-" the doctor interrupted.   
  
"That's rich, coming from you. Telling me what I should know, when you yourself haven't got the faintest idea about what she's gone through!" I shot back.   
  
'The nerve to say that to me, hypocrite, she hasn't the faintest clue about Jessie,' I contemplated.  
  
"I do pay attention." Sara's expression had changed; her face was turning a deeper shade of red.   
  
  
  
"You're clueless! You didn't even ask me why she was in the park instead of in school today!" I rebuked.  
  
Sara cursed herself. 'What day was it?'   
  
"It's Wednesday, Sara," I reminded her. She looked back at me, speechless. "I let her stay home today! Do you know why?"   
  
Sara didn't flinch.   
  
"Because she couldn't stop crying, she was looking for you - asking for her mother," I said, exasperated. "And let me ask you another question, since you seem to 'pay attention' - what's her favorite color?"  
  
"I'm sorry?" Sara asked, astounded by my question.   
  
"It's a simple question. What's Jessie's favorite color?"  
  
"Green!" Sara replied angrily.  
  
I blinked, "blue. It reminds her of the ocean, and our vacation in San Francisco," I corrected.  
  
I could see the wheels in Sara's mind, churning away. Thinking of a comeback, and I was waited, what was she going to say? I was disturbed by how disconnected we, as a family have been. I was angry that she didn't know our daughter's favorite color; but deep inside I was bitter that we had degenerated into endless bickering. I resented this moment, I resented today, I resented myself, and at this point, I resented everything about Sara as well. If she didn't work so hard, maybe this could have worked out, and now, our daughter was ill. 'How can she be so selfish?' I asked myself. It physically pained me to think about what had occurred during our marriage, between the miscarriage, the adoption, and all the other stuff; everything was just falling apart.   
  
"Oh God, why didn't we see this before?" Sara asked tearfully and breaking the silence. It appeared that the silence had softened her tone of voice, forcing her to focus on the doctor's words.   
  
"Well, there are no visible symptoms, and even I had to double check the results to make sure," Redken said. "I'll ask again, since you know about Jessica's respiratory problem, were you aware of her current condition?"  
  
"Well, we were given a medical report upon her adoption, and it was just mentioned that she suffered from asthma attacks," I answered.   
  
"And well, after several asthma attacks due to intense cardiovascular activities, her doctor recommended keeping her way from vigorous activities," Sara added.   
  
The doctor paused for a moment, bringing his hand to massage the bridge of his nose, looking as if he tried to formulate his next sentence.   
  
"As I said, her asthma attack further complicated the situation," the doctor finally said. He then handed them a folder of the results from the day's prior tests. Sara was the first to take a glance at it; she took note of the ECG printout, the blood sample results, as well as various other results. I also took interest in processing what I could from the folder's pages of results and written reports from physicians. We looked up as the doctor proceeded to place a chest x-ray onto the lightbox; he continued to explain his findings and explained to us the continuous series of tests that are still being processed.   
  
"Treatment?" Sara asked.   
  
The doctor paused and sat at the edge of his desk, silent, without an answer.  
  
"Surgery?" I asked.   
  
The doctor was silent, still trying to find the best words to answer the question.   
  
"Transplants?" I questioned, holding my breath.   
  
Silence.   
  
Sara and I braced ourselves for the doctor's reply.   
  
"I'm sorry," the doctor began. "But, Jessie's condition cannot be treated with common procedures," the doctor added, his own heart somewhat in a standstill.   
  
"Experimental procedures?" I whispered.   
  
"We'll have to see, but usually, at this stage, Jessie's prognosis is uncertain. The odds are 50/50. Over the years, her heart has slowly and gradually deteriorated, probably since birth." The doctor managed to explain the cold facts, fighting the urge to weep as he saw tears threatening to cascade down Sara's face.   
  
"From birth-- How--?" Were the only words she could utter.   
  
The doctor sighed, "at this point, we are still running tests to determine how far her heart has deteriorated. I must be honest with you in saying that there was no way of knowing about your daughter's condition. The disease usually does not exhibit any physical or visual symptoms; they would only come up during specified studies of the chest cavity."   
  
"So, you're telling us that our daughter is on her deathbed?" Sara asked, with tears still trailing down her pale face.   
  
  
  
"No, I don't believe you, she was fine this morning. There must be something, some new procedure," I lashed out, attempting to rationalize the situation. 'This isn't happening,' I thought. Inhaling deeply while I buried my face between my palms in hopes to mask my frustration. At this point, many thoughts ran unbridled - begging to be harnessed. I was painfully aware of the situation but to this point, I could not accept the cards that fate has dealt us.  
  
The doctor said nothing.   
  
Tears flowed down Sara's face, with almost all hope abandoning her. We looked at each other, trying to share each other's pain. We felt so helpless, sitting her in this office, knowing that just down the hall, our daughter was slowly slipping away.  
  
"What should we do now?" Sara asked calmly.   
  
"Just be her parents - be there for her," the doctor sighed.   
  
~*~   
  
With hearts shattered and in a state of disbelief, we slowly walked out of Dr. Redken's office and headed towards Jessie's room. The hallway's silence wrapping its arms around us as the world slowly subsided, together, we both walked in a daze.   
  
"I should call my family. I'll call your parents too, if you'd like," I whispered.   
  
She nodded and we both paused before proceeding further down the hallway.   
  
"Grissom and Catherine might want to know too," Sara answered quietly, still in a state of shock.   
  
"I'll call the lab," I agreed.   
  
I reached my hand out to hold Sara's, but she had already turned and headed further down the hallway, leaving me in the middle of the empty corridor.   
  
~*~   
  
The phone rang, once, twice. "Hello?" A voice answered.  
  
"Hi mom, it's Nick," I answered. "I have some news," I continued. The sound through the receiver fell silent, I waited for my mother to sit, as I had requested. Slowly, I proceeded to tell her about Jessie's condition, at the same time, trying hard not to break down in tears myself.  
  
"We'll pack and be there tomorrow," she replied. "Hang tight."  
  
"No mom, it's all right, you don't have to come. We'll call you when we need you," I protested.  
  
"Nicky," she began. But my silence made her reconsider. "Alright, call us when you have more news. Just remember, one call and we're on the first plane out of here," she commanded.  
  
"Yes ma'am. Bye," I said softly.   
  
I continued to contact our close family, bearing the bad news and each time fighting hard to sound strong. Sara's parents were chest fallen, almost hysterical at my revelation. Again, I pleaded with them not to fly in, this was something that Sara, and I had to discuss. Finally, the call to the lab was the hardest I had to make. The first person I spoke to was Greg, who was as always - happy, but tonight, his shift turned gloomy. Next, I called Catherine, who was in Grissom's office. I could tell by the sharp pauses in her sentences that she was in tears; devastated was a more appropriate word. I refused to talk to Grissom, instead instructing Catherine to deliver the message. Lastly, there was Warrick and Mia; out of the two, I decided to call Warrick, he, after all shared a close bond with Jessie, a second father to be exact. Again, speechless, both of us shared the heavy silence, although not in tears, I knew of his deep concern and quiet emotion. I debated on contacting Mia, she was a very 'close' friend after all, but instead, I decided to leave her a voice message at her house. 'Chicken,' I chided myself, but I was aware that this was not the time to sort things out, to spark another argument with Sara.  
  
~*~   
  
I stood by the door for only a few moments, only to witness tears falling down Sara's cheeks. 'If only we can go back to the way we were,' I thought longingly and mournfully.   
  
"If only it were that simple," I whispered.   
  
I slowly opened the door and shut it silently behind me, I paused,   
  
"Nick, how did we end up this way?" Sara asked.  
  
*--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------*  
  
A/N – Did you catch that? For those of you who are still reading this far into the story and were not put off by the 'confusion' – congratulations. Patience is a virtue. Are you beginning to see the big picture? *Think, big!* Look back at the other chapters if need be. Once you've processed everything, you can breathe a sigh of relief, because the most confusing part is over. Promise. I've never lead you astray. So, please read on and tell me what you think. Or should I end it here? It's as good as point as any to stop. – oceanwave  
  
PS. Thank you so much to my betas Kelly, Steff, and Karen. Y'all rock! It's been a rollercoaster ride; I hope y'all enjoyed picking through my maze of grammatical errors, continuity flaws, and 'drama.' 


	12. I loathe thee, yet I love thee

-- CHAPTER TWELVE: I loathe thee, yet I love thee --  
  
Disclaimers: Refer to Chapter One: Breathe  
  
Author's Note: Moving right along, this is just a short chapter. But I hope that you like it.   
  
~*~  
  
- SARA'S POV -   
  
I studied her face, sitting by Jessie as she slept. I didn't want to cry. I had to be strong, but deep down I was so full of anger, pain, and resentment. Oh, I resented everything. I felt the injustice of losing a young child, and for one of the rarest moments in my life, I didn't know what to do. For hours, I continued to stare at her pale face, with her lips drained of color, her dark hair resting on the soft pillow and with a thick wool blanket wrapped around her fragile body. I held on to her tiny hand, hoping that somehow my warmth could transfer to her frigid fingers.   
  
I've already asked myself, many times before, 'why?'   
  
'Why you?'  
  
'Why was this happening?'  
  
I felt so helpless, so overwhelmed with emotion: afraid and frustrated. But to top that list, I was bitter. I wasn't ready to let my daughter go. I wasn't ready. Staring at her, I promised myself that I wouldn't cry, but now, the tears I had fought so hard to suppress now journeyed down the contours of my restless face.  
  
"You're so young," I all by whispered, brushing a stray hair away from Jessie's face. In silence, my mind continued to ask itself many unanswered questions, all the while my heart pounded bitterly against her chest. With each breath I drew air in desperation, gasping between audible sobs, "life has been so unfair to you."  
  
I felt his arm wrap around my shoulders, and for a brief moment, I felt lighter -- more liberated.   
  
"Nick, I don't want her to go," I spoke. Timidly, I looked up at him and realized the pained expression that he wore on his face. 'I never see your face anymore,' I thought. It was true, I seldom saw his face; but I knew that his eyes always told a story, but at this moment, they were startlingly empty. I got up to look deeper into his eyes, my own eyes already filled with tears. "I feel so cheated," I cried.   
  
"Mommy?" Jessie whispered. "Don't cry."  
  
I turned to look at her, staring deep into her green eyes, and soon, my tears fell more heavily. I sat back down on the chair and began, "Jessie I want you to know something, and it's important that you know." I cupped her cold face while I paused. "I want you to know that I love you very, very much. And I know that I haven't been there for you lately, but you are my baby girl," I said. I stared at her, before pulling her into a tight bug, never wanting to let her go.   
  
"I love you too, mommy," the little girl replied. "I know that you and daddy love me very much."  
  
~*~  
  
- NICK'S POV -  
  
I felt so guilty, standing in this room; maybe it was the moment, or maybe it was just seeing Jessie courageously face us. So strong at such a young age, that, I know is all because of Sara. Jessie took on the little quirky traits that Sara did; from the way they eat lasagna layer by layer to how Jessie always enjoyed playing with the little make-up that Sara had. And in the times I didn't get to spend time with them, I wonder what other habits Jessie had picked up.   
  
"Daddy?" Jessie asked.   
  
I looked up to meet her gaze, she beckoned me to draw closer to her.  
  
"I know you love me too," she whispered in my ear and smiled.  
  
I could do nothing else but look at her as I felt the force of a unimaginable weight drop upon my body, rendering me immobile momentarily.   
  
"I do, I love you so much," I reassure her, and wrapped my arms around her body, "I love you so much. You can't even imagine."  
  
"Daddy, don't cry." She paused, and I broke our warm embrace. "Can you help me with this?"  
  
This being the necklace she wore around her neck, the thin chain was adorned with a simple ring, the ring I had given her a not so long ago. I carefully took off the necklace and placed it in her hands. I then watched her as she took the ring out of the chain's binding and handed it to me.   
  
"Here, why don't you hold on to this for me?" She smiled.  
  
That was all it took, and soon the floodgates broke. I cried. "Thank you," I whispered.   
  
She just looked at me and brushed tears away from my cheeks, as I held her in my arms, and struggled to let her go, never wanting her to leave.   
  
Tired, she leaned back against the bed and stared at Sara and me while she drifted off to sleep. As I sat by her side, I remembered how peaceful she looked when she slept, not a care in the world, especially during the many nights that Sara and I would just sit side-by-side by her door to watch her sleep.   
  
Sara, my wife. I then turned by attention to Sara while she buried her face between her palms and on the edge of the bed, also out like a light. Together, mother and child; I watched them sleep. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.  
  
Watching this silent and fleeting moment fueled the overwhelming emotions at the pit of my stomach; my heart was so constricted with guilt and bitterness. Collectively, my heart and head competed to pound louder as I continued to think things through; and so, I decided to leave the room.  
  
~*~  
  
I sat on a bench just outside Jessie's room, massaging my temple with my left hand, while my other hand gripped the ring that Jessie handed me. I closed my eyes in a dire attempt to soothe the cluster of emotions that I kept bottled up; I can feel the skin around my face tighten as I struggled to sort through my thoughts, all the things I had to make right and the thoughts of Sara and Jessie all concurrently vying for attention.   
  
'What am I going to do?' I questioned myself.   
  
'You know what you need to do,' my deeper conscious commented.  
  
I sighed deeply and lowered my hands in front of me to stretch, in doing so, I paused to look at the gold wedding band that I wore.   
  
- FLASHBACK -  
  
"I, Nicholas Stokes, take you, Sara Sidle, to be my wife and my one true love. To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love you faithfully and to cherish, to laugh with you and to cry with you, till death do us part. Come what may, I will always be there for you."  
  
"I, Sara Sidle, take you, Nicholas Stokes, to be my husband and my one true love. To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love you faithfully and to cherish you, to laugh with you and to cry with you, till death do us part. Come what may, I will always be there for you."  
  
The vows brought the crowd to an emotional high, Sara in particular, who was shaking nervously, with droplets of tears descending her cheeks. Nick wiped a tear from her cheek as they, in unison, commenced to say their closing vow.  
  
"Entreat me not to leave you, or to return from following after you. Together, we will go forward and together we shall face life. To guide each other, to support each other, and to have trust and faith in the vows we take, and our love for each other."  
  
- END FLASHBACK -   
  
'To love you faithfully and to cherish … to have trust and faith in the vows we take, and our love for each other,' my mind recapped.  
  
"Hey!" she greeted. I looked up to see a redhead, handing me a cup of coffee. "How is she?" She asked.  
  
I shook my head, "it doesn't look good," I mumbled. She sat beside me while I leaned back against the bench. "Mia, you shouldn't be here," I uttered.  
  
"I know. But I wanted to know how everything was going," she answered, massaging the back of my neck with her right hand.  
  
"Mia, stop. We need to talk," I said, turning my body to face her.  
  
"I wanted to talk to you too," she said.  
  
"Can I go first?" I appealed. "Listen, you have been such a great pillar of support, and I want to thank you for the companionship-"  
  
"But, you have Sara, and you still love her," she added.  
  
I swallowed hard, knowing that it must have taken a lot for her to say those words. "Please believe me when I say that I do care for you; but I took such a difficult road. You weren't, by any means, a cheap thrill; you're someone who helped me through my darkest days."  
  
"This would have never worked out," she admitted. "And I guess that although it felt right at the time, we both just needed someone. And I guess I also what to thank you for helping me through my dark days."  
  
"No, I feel horrible. Despite the timing, I was lonely, my marriage was falling apart, and you were the new girl in town that needed a friend--"  
  
"Nicky, it's okay. Really, I'm okay," she said. "No explanation need. My parents split up when I was young and it devastated my family. You don't deserve that – Sara doesn't deserve that," she didn't look directly at me. "I can tell that this is the end of the line, and I wanted to tell you how sorry I am that I didn't break this off sooner."  
  
"It wasn't just you, it takes two people to have an affair," I half-joked, attempting to lighten the mood.  
  
"I'm leaving next week, I accepted a teaching position," Mia explained. "Aloha, Hawaii," she smirked.  
  
I stopped to process her words, shocked at her sudden decision, "you're not moving because of me, are you?" I asked rather surprised.  
  
"No, I've always wanted to teach, less hours, better pay and great surfing conditions," she replied.  
  
"Are you sure?" I queried and studied her face, the face that bore sincerity. I continued, " Well then, I guess you better pack your surf board. Congratulations!" I grinned – surprised in fact, but thrilled. "Again, I'm sorry -- about everything," I apologized sincerely, taking her hand in mine.  
  
"Nick, it's okay," she said. "Listen, I should get back to the lab." She moved closer to me, so close that I could smell her peach perfume, and she gave me a gentle peck on the cheek. "Take care, cowboy," she whispered.  
  
Startled by the door closing, I looked up to see Sara standing my the door, eyes staring at us with burning anger and disbelief.   
  
"Sara-" I began, while I walked closer to her. I could tell that she was about to do something, and at this time of the night, along with our strained nerves, that was something that I didn't want. Sara Sidle can make a scene.  
  
"I can't believe you brought her here!" She screamed, her face bearing more pain than anger. "Get out!" She ordered, motioning us down the hall. Around us, curious onlookers started to stare.  
  
"Sara, stop. I can explain," I continued.  
  
"And you," Sara pointed at Mia. "You've got guts coming here. Isn't taking my husband enough? What, what else to do want to take?"  
  
"Sara, calm down," I pleaded.   
  
"I should go," I heard Mia whisper. I looked at her and she nodded, taking that this was her cue to leave. "Bye, Nick."  
  
"Get out -- both of you," Sara continued to scream. She pushed me, pounding sternly against my chest with her strong hands. "God, I hate you," she sobbed through gritted teeth, "you son of a bitch!"  
  
I fought had to calm her raging fists, pounding steadily against me, inflicting on me much pain; and as I tried to calm her, I realized that this was something I deserved.   
  
"I hate you," she repeated, more in a whisper. She finally lightened her attack as she broke down in tears.  
  
"Sara, I'm sorry," I muttered, also in tears.  
  
"Nick, she's dying. Our baby's dying," she wept.  
  
All I could do now was hold her, I felt so helpless - so empty - so cold.  
  
TBC  
  
*--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------*  
  
A/N - Feel something? Anything? Any opinions? Please review. *smile* – oceanwave 


	13. Hiatus

-- CHAPTER THIRTEEN: Hiatus --  
  
Disclaimers: Refer to Chapter One: Breathe  
  
Author's Notes: It would make more sense, and have more meaning if you read 'Homecoming' -- but the gist of it is that the 'FLASHBACK' piece is from when Sara and Nick reconciled after a huge fight. It took place after Jamie, Nick's old flame, makes a surprised appearance at Michelle's wedding (Homecoming.)   
  
~*~  
  
- Five Months Later –   
  
"Mom, Dad, tell me again why this place is so special," Jessie asked. Sitting atop a large boulder, she glanced down at her parents, sitting at the bottom of the rock edifice. In front of them was the large lake, Lake Texoma, reflecting the warm hues of the setting sun.  
  
- FLASHBACK –  
  
- Three Years Earlier –   
  
Sara stood by the window, watching Nick and Jamie walk out into the yard. Her heart sank; she felt her chest tighten, as if being mechanically squeezed. 'Oh God it hurts,' she cursed herself. She hated being in love, she never admitted it to herself, but seeing Nick's reaction to Jaime just crushed her. This trip had been an eye opener for her, but she also knew that this might have made a greater impact on Nick. She was suffocating, she watched the couple exchange words and a hug, and she couldn't breathe. 'I need to get out of here,' her mind ordered.  
  
Without hesitation, she grabbed the set of keys that sat on the night table and rushed out of the door. She galloped down the stairs and briefly looked for a friendly face, finding nobody; she quickly made her way outside towards the parked Tahoe. She drove for an hour, never quite knowing where to go, no sense of direction, just the general direction to get away from the Stokes Ranch. She headed north, to where the wind took her, finally, she ended up at the edge of Lake Texoma. She parked the Tahoe closely, and walked towards the lake's edge and sat by it, searching the ripples of water for something. She looked around the seemingly placid lake, and was amazed, she saw the beautiful glistening sun against its surface, taken aback by her surroundings.  
  
~*~  
  
Sara took off and he drove for hours, looking for her. Searching. He canvassed the local places that would have interested Sara, checking flight bookings to Las Vegas, local gas stations, and dreadfully checked the hospitals as well. Nothing. The day was wearing thin, and he knew that he had to find her, to tell her, he couldn't lose her. The sun was about to set, and he didn't know were to go, his mind just in shambles. He continued driving, 'north, maybe there's something there,' his mind convinced him. His journey continued, and it leaded him to the edge of the lake, he parked the truck by the lake, staring out onto the sun's reflection in the water. His mind was flooded by memories of the times he spent by this lake, contemplating life, thinking of love, escaping. 'God, it's been so long,' he thought, he watched the lake and hopped out of the truck, walking around it and onto the lake's edge.   
  
He sat there; unmoving, silent, thinking. Staring out onto the distance.  
  
~*~  
  
She sat atop a rock, curled up, with arms hugging her knees and her face rested on her knees. Sara sat there, silent, thinking, looking out onto the still lake. She stayed still, feeling a cool breeze flow past her, her hair waving in the wind.  
  
She stayed still, thinking. She felt his presence, knowing that it was Nick. A feeling of relief and at the same time, calmness came over her body.  
  
~*~  
  
Nick got up from his spot, wanting to walk around, to feel the sand between his toes. He walked around the lake's edge, taking in the scenery that still thrived. He saw someone familiar, and relief washed over his body. He walked closer to the woman who sat atop a rock, hair waving in the wind. He breathed, aware of the nervousness that claimed his body.  
  
Slowly, he eased himself beside her, being silent and calm.  
  
"I didn't mean to hurt you," he murmured. "It's just that, when Jamie left, I was lost for the longest time. Seeing her, just-" he continued, glancing at Sara's blank face. "Seeing her, closed that part of my life. It made my head at peace, knowing that after all these years, she was alright," Nick assured.  
  
"She will always be a part of me, a part of my past. She helped me find myself when I was lost. I loved her – a long time ago, she was my guide, my compass, my home. But after she left, I lost myself, I ran away."  
  
Sara stared at him, speechless.   
  
"But you, helped me find myself again," Nick emphasized. "This trip made me realize the things that I missed, what I wanted and what mattered most," he paused, "you," he emphasized. "This trip helped me find my way home, helped me find my way to you," he breathed, waiting for a reaction.  
  
Nothing, no words, no emotion.  
  
"Well, I've said what I wanted to say, and I guess this is my cue to leave," Nick broke the silence, feeling dejected.  
  
"Stay," Sara whispered, she finally broke free from her daze and looked up at him. He obeyed, sitting close to her, wanting to wrap his arms around her as the cool wind blew, but resisted the urge.  
  
They watched the rest of the sunset in silence, words never needed to communicate what their heart held true. He stared into her warm eyes, speechless at this moment, having no words to pronounce. He reached his hand closer to her, holding her face in his hand, and turning it towards him. She looked at him, calmness and understanding plagued her eyes. She smiled, and allowed Nick to pull her closer. She gazed at his anticipating lips, hers tingling at the thought of kissing his. Nick never took his eyes of her, watching as she reacted to his actions, and happy that she didn't pull away. With ease and gentleness, he inched closer and closer, taking in her soft scent and warm breathe. Finally, he placed his lips against hers, letting the heat that seared through him to conform to her sweet, soft lips.   
  
Fire.  
  
She didn't hesitate, and allowed her lips to contact with his, they were soft, and the tingle in her lips intensified. Sara felt a soft smile curve from Nick's lips as both of them pulled apart. Their cheeks hot, and body warm and stinging. They both smiled at each other's cheeks, happy that the moment was as pleasing as they had hopped, even more. Sara slipped her hand into Nick's and held it as they sat quietly, never wanting to leave each other's company. There were no words that both wanted to share, silence was precious, and they reveled in it. Who needed words, when someone you loved shared a moment like this?  
  
- END FLASHBACK –  
  
"And that's the story of 'us' – right Nick?" Sara concluded.   
  
"Yup. Then we got married and stumbled our way to you, little one," Nick smiled.  
  
Jessie giggled, "this place is pretty. I like watching the sunset and I like being with you."  
  
"We're glad to be here with you too," Sara whispered.  
  
~*~  
  
- SARA'S POV –  
  
We sat in our seats, sandwiched between Nick and I, Jessie slept soundly. The sun was bright as I looked over the long stretch of desert plains below, the blue sky surrounding our window whilst fluffy cotton-like clouds hovered around the plane. Thousands of feet in the air, we were flying just above Northwest Texas, or so the pilot had mentioned. Texas, it was almost a second home to us; well after the lab, I guess you can say more like our third home. Five months after Jessie's diagnosis, we were weary of taking her away from the comforts of the doctors and facilities of Desert Palm. We are just returning from spending Thanksgiving with Nick's family home in Dallas.   
  
Her health had deteriorated rapidly, and now she had grown so small and so fatigued by simple exercises. Most of our time was spent in the hospital, in attempts to easy her discomfort; both Nick and I cut down our hours. We worked our schedules around her, and once and while, people from work helped us out.   
  
A week ago, Nick's family planned to come visit us, but instead, the doctors recommended that a change of scenery was probably in order. It saddened me to think that, considering Jessie's rapid deterioration, this was probably going to be our last vacation together as a family. I could not believe how tired I was, and how my heart accelerated each time Jessie coughed. She was so strong, even during the times when I struggled with my emotions.  
  
"She got that from you," I heard Nick say. I raised an eyebrow to his comment. "She's as strong as you are," he clarified. To this day, it still amazed me that he knew how the wheels in my head turned, reading me like the John Grisham novel that he held in his hand.   
  
"She's stubborn too; did she get that from me or you?" I asked lightheartedly. He looked at me, and I indicated towards Jessie's insistence on wearing a thin milkshake pink striped polo shirt, similar to her dad's navy blue polo shirt, despite Sara's insistence that the airplane's cool temperatures would make her uncomfortable. Encouraged by her father, the pair boarded the plane in polo shirts, only to ask for extra blankets after take-off.  
  
Nick chuckled, wrapping the fleece blanket tighter around himself, "now wait a minute, it was a good idea at the time."  
  
I couldn't help but giggle at Nick's expression, before wrapping another blanket around Jessie. For the hundredth time today, I stared at her sleeping face, only to be interrupted by Nick's low voice.  
  
"Listen, Sara about Mia-" Nick began.   
  
I rolled my eyes, "Nick, please don't ruin this moment."  
  
"I'm sorry," he said.  
  
"We'll talk about it later," I whispered, expressing my discomfort in the sudden change of topic.  
  
"Just let me explain-"  
  
"Excuses only ruin apologies," I said.  
  
~*~  
  
- Four Days Later –  
  
"Jessie, we'll be late!" I yelled, "Jessica Stokes if you're not down here in the next 10 seconds Daddy and I are going to leave."  
  
"Is she ready yet? We're going to miss the movie," Nick said as he entered the front door.  
  
"I don't know, she ran up to get her sweater," I replied, turning to face him.  
  
"I'll go check on her," he offered. I smiled and turned to sort through the mail that had accumulated throughout our absence.  
  
"Sara!"  
  
I froze at Nick's frigid voice; quickly, I dropped the stack of envelopes and jogged up the stairs. "What's wrong?"  
  
"Call an ambulance," Nick directed while he carried Jessie's limp body out of the room and down the stairs.   
  
~*~  
  
"I'm sorry," the Dr. Redken began. "We've-"  
  
"No, oh God, no," I mumbled, my heart paused shortly and my breath drew placidly. I dreaded this day; this was the end. This couldn't be the time, she was doing so well, this can't be.   
  
Denial.  
  
Nick exhaled, his voice strained, "and there's nothing more you can do?"  
  
I looked up at him, unable to string together words; all I had to rely on was my eyes possibly communicating through a telepathic connection. Nick was visibly in shock, his eyes forming a moist surface. His hands were placed on his forehead, as if to brace himself from falling forward. Today was the day that both of us futilely prayed would not happen, in fact, we both had deferred thinking about this situation; we had both decided to cast our differences aside and become parents to our only daughter, but now we were lost. But it's too soon, this couldn't be. Slowly, I turned my attention to the doctor's response -- he shook his head, looking at us with what I can only describe as sympathy. He was trying to sound as professional as he can, trying hard to soften the harsh news. In his own cryptic words, I knew that he had done everything he could, and that if we were to prolong her life, we would in fact be hurting her.   
  
Sobbing softly, I whispered, "and this is it?"   
  
"I think that it would be best if you start gathering your family together," the doctor advised.  
  
Oh God, our family. How are we going to tell them, tell them that their granddaughter, niece, and cousin was leaving? Our parents will be devastated; Nick's parents will wonder how just a little over a week ago, their granddaughter ran around in their backyard. My parents will question the situation's unfairness; they would ask questions I know not how to answer. How are we going to do this?  
  
"Again, I'm sorry," the doctor apologized once more.  
  
This was the end.  
  
~*~  
  
To Be Continued…  
  
*--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------*  
  
A/N – John Grisham is John Grisham, I don't own him or his books.  
  
I've decided to continue, for the sake of concluding 'this'. Tell me what you think, I'd love to hear from you. And here's some news, tell me if you really don't like it, I'd really love to get your insight. Flaming is not preferred, but 'constructive criticism' is more than welcome. - oceanwave 


	14. Farewell

-- CHAPTER FIFTEEN: Farewell --

Disclaimers: Refer to Chapter One: Breathe

Author's Note: I decided to end this saga prematurely, as well, I also didn't really want to drag on the melancholy theme of this fic. I hope that the ending is worthy of the time that you have spent reading.

- SARA'S POV –

- Four Months Later –

Silence.

He sat on a large boulder, staring blankly at the sun's reflection on the water. His usual grin was upside-down while his eyebrows stayed furrowed at the deep silence and harsh chilly feeling he felt. A strolling breeze blew Lake Texoma's water. His subconscious was projecting the last time he sat on this very boulder with Sara and Jessica. In a desperate attempt to mend their marriage, he and Sara decided to take Jessie to Dallas, to this very same spot. Still present in his memory, he continued to stare at the sinking sun, reflective of what had transpired almost two years ago.

- FLASHBACK –

"Sara?" Nick said as he awoke.

He sat up and viewed his surroundings; in particular, he looked ahead at his daughter sleeping on her hospital bed. Two days ago, they had just returned from Dallas; and two days ago Jessica's condition turned for the worse. After arriving at the hospital, the doctors had given them the devastating news that they had long dreaded. Jessica was very weak, and they didn't give her more than several days to live.

He blinked several times to adjust to rays of light that filtered through the hospital room's blinds.

"Sara?" He called out again, titling his head to see if she was awake, she was, but she didn't respond. Suddenly, he felt a cold chill rush over his body – he knew what had happened. Slowly, he got up and walked over to his wife, placing a hand on her shoulder.

Silence.

For several moments, both parents stayed silent, staring at their daughter's peaceful demure.

"Goodnight, Jessie" he whispered. He placed a gentle kiss on Jessica's cold forehead while he said a silent prayer. "The angels will always be with you."

Teary eyed, he turned to look at his wife. Sara's eyes were bloodshot as tears slowly started to flow down her cheeks. In a swift motion, he wrapped his arms around her as they both cried, sharing each other's misery.

- END FLASHBACK –

He flinched as he heard the shrill sound of his cell phone ringing, "Hello?"

"Hi Nick, I think you should come back to the hospital now. Grams has been asking for you," his sister, Angela, said.

"I'm on my way," Nick answered.

So, maybe he wasn't in Dallas to reminisce; in fact, he was here to spend time with family. His Grandmother was very weak, and he has just flown in from Vegas two nights ago.

* * *

- SARA'S POV -

She sat in her dimmed living room, staring blankly at the soft rain that pitter pattered on her window as she listened to some soft music. In her hand, she held a glass of wine, a solitary glass of wine that she drank after long days at work. Around her were stacked and unopened boxes that she had never gotten the chance to unpack. This was just one of the many nights she had spent sitting in this very same spot, just thinking about the life, remembering the happier moments, longing for something more that what she had now.

Eight months after she and Nick had finalized their divorce, she had quickly packed her things and moved to Boston. She was bitter and angry -- she felt betrayed. She thought that Nick wasn't like the other guys she had date. She was wrong, and it made her sick that she didn't realize it sooner. She hadn't realize how she and Nick were not meant to be.

_Farewell so long cause_

_I was wrong I guess_

_Farewell so long cause_

_I was wrong I confess_

- FLASHBACK -

_"This is a final boarding call for American Airlines flight 1856 passengers, flying from Las Vegas to Boston. The gate will be closing in several moments."_

Sara breathed deeply, determined that this was the best choice, she knew that she had to get away, to start fresh. She stepped forward and handed the flight attendant her boarding pass.

"Thank you ma'am, enjoy your flight," the tall flight attendant said.

"Thanks," Sara replied softly.

"Sara!" a voice called out.

She recognized his voice, and quickly turned around, "Nick, what are you doing here?"

"Stay," he whispered.

"Nick," she, too, whispered.

"Please," he begged. "Stay, just for a couple of days."

"Nick, I can't. Besides, you don't have to come chasing after me, we're divorced, remember?"

"Sara," he repeated.

"Miss, we have to go," the flight attendant called out.

"Nick, I have to go, I'm sorry," Sara replied as she walked backwards towards the plane.

"Sara, I still love you," Nick called out.

She closed her eyes; it pained her to hear those words. It wasn't that she didn't believe him, nor was it because she didn't love him either, even just a little bit. It pained her because she was so hurt by his infidelity, so jaded by love, and so empty.

"Bye," she whispered, waving slowly as she continued moving towards the plane.

- END FLASHBACK -

'So _now_ you're having doubts?' Sara's mind chided her.

* * *

- NICK'S POV -

"Nick? Is that you?" her soft southern voice questioned.

"Yeah, it's me. Hi Grams," Nick replied, reaching out for his grandmother's soft hands.

"Come here, let me get a good look at my youngest grandchild." Nick complied. "Uh huh," she said, after observing his unshaven face, and slightly slender body.

"I don't like the sound of that," Nick kidded, quite sure that he was about to hear an earful from his grandmother.

"Well, if you took better care of yourself, maybe I wouldn't have to say anything at all," she corrected sternly. "If you keep up whatever it is that you're doing to yourself, you're going to have more wrinkles than your grandma."

"Isn't that a good thing then? Because my Grams doesn't have any wrinkles, she's still as beautiful as ever," he replied in a little schoolboy manner.

"Well, at least you still have the Stokes charm," she replied.

Nick smiled, "I'm okay, Grams, don't worry about me. We're all here to take care of you."

"Nick, I'm not getting any better, and I don't need a doctor to tell me that," she answered in a confident tone.

"Ah, but you underestimate being a Stokes." Nick smiled. She too smiled, continuing their candid banter.

"How's Sara?" she asked, catching Nick off guard, but he stayed calm.

"Well, last I heard she was still heading up the forensics unit in Boston."

"Have you talked to her since she moved?"

Nick shifted uneasily in his chair, remembering the many times that he had wanted, planned, and chickened out of calling his ex-wife. "No, not since she left Vegas."

"Be honest, do you still love her?"

Nick took a moment to gather his scattered thoughts. "Well, we've gone our separate ways, and let's just say that I've accepted the fact things happen for a reason, that this is how it's suppose to be."

Silence.

The elder Stokes stared at her grandchild for several moments.

"You know, I mean, who am I to disturb fate?" Nick answered cleverly.

His grandmother stayed silent.

"Well, I will always love Sara, she played a very large role in my life."

"Nick, you're my favorite grandson and I want you to be happy. I have something to ask of you…"

"Grams," Nick said, shaking his head, not wanting to hear another word.

"Now listen, I've never asked you for anything. When your grandfather died, I hoped that before the Lord would take me, that I would make sure all of my grandchildren are happy. I know that you and Sara have your differences, and I know that it's not going to be easy to get her back. You really hurt her. You were happy. Don't you think you deserve a second chance to be happy? I mean, who am I kidding, I'm tired Nicky, it's time for me to rest…"

"Grams, don't say that," Nick replied, kissing his grandmother's hand.

"I want you to be happy, so I want you to do just one thing for me," she paused. "I want you to find Sara -- I want you to go home."

* * *

- SARA'S POV -

_I miss the way you are_

_I miss the way you dance with me_

_I miss the way you are_

_I miss the way you dance with me_

- FLASHBACK –

"What are you smiling about," Nick asked wonderingly.  
  
"Nothing," she replied, placing her head on his shoulder. They fit perfectly; it felt natural.  
  
He was caught off guard, but he continued to dance. He simply smiled.  
  
"He's really not that great," Nick changed the subject.  
  
"What?" Sara called, head still sitting on his shoulder.  
  
"He used to pick on girls in high school," Nick revealed, stopping Sara from uttering any words. "And, he was pretty friendly on campus in college," he continued desperately.  
  
"Nick Stokes, are you jealous?" Sara teased, picking up her head, and staring closely at his eyes.  
  
"Me? Jealous? No, just telling you the facts," he denied. "You know, in case-" he began to babble.  
  
"Oh-my-god, you are," Sara smiled.  
  
"No," Nick lied.  
  
"I think he's kinda cute, pretty smart, and did you see those muscles," she winced. 'Ouch' she mouthed. Her words were probably more piercing that she had imagined, but her tone was still playful, her intent to tease Nick.  
  
With eyes focused on Sara, Nick's eyes voiced pain from her comments. He didn't say a word, he'll let her say whatever she wanted.  
  
"Don't worry, you'll always be my man from Texas," she teased. She titled her head back as she laughed aloud.   
  
There was silence, as both of them smiled and continued dancing.  
  
"So you're into cute guys, sculpted muscles, and a brain," Nick joked.  
  
"Only the ones who can dance," she whispered in his ear. The fine hair in on the back of his neck stood. '_Damn_,' his mind whimpered.  
  
Finally, for the last time before the music ended, he twirled her, cradling her in his arms as he dipped her for the finale. They both smiled as Sara came face to face with Nick.

- END FLASHBACK –

Of all the memories they had together; between work and family, it was this specific dance that Sara always remembered. It happened at Michelle's wedding, back when they were just two friends in Dallas for a wedding. This was where it all began, from Nick's homecoming, their first dance together, and to this moment. Everything was supposed to be perfect, but in all of it, she never really got her happily ever after. Maybe she wasn't supposed to.

_So farewell my love cause_

_I was wrong I guess_

_Farewell so long cause_

_I was wrong I confess_

Sara had spent the last few hours reminiscing about her past; actually, it was more like reminiscing about Nick. She couldn't deny the fact that she will always love Nick. Despite all the hurt she felt, he still held a good portion of her heart. She realized just how much Nick had become a part of her; in fact, it took her a while to get used to not having a great home cooked meal, or have someone give up eating a little meat, or even simply getting a phone call just to say hello.

'I miss that bastard,' she thought bitterly, despite the prominent smile on her face.

_I miss the way you are_

_I miss the way you sang with me_

- FLASHBACK -

"I don't want to talk about this," he simply replied.  
  
"Maybe we should talk about it, especially since it involves Jessica and me. I think we've let this sleep for too long," Sara answered, walking furiously towards the stairs. Nick continued to walk up the stairs, still silent. "Where did you take your whore this time? Where did you take Mia? Some cheap motel off the Strip? Huh, Nick?!"  
  
"Sara, stop," Nick answered.  
  
"Mommy!" Jessica's voice pleaded. She was in the backyard, playing in the tree house that Nick, Greg, and Warrick managed to put together.  
  
"I think it's time we take a break away from _this_," she continued. She then slowly walked down the stairs and when she reached the bottom of the staircase, she gave Nick's still figure a final glance.

- END FLASHBACK -

_I miss the way you are_

_I miss the way you sang with me_

- FLASHBACK –

"I want a divorce!"  
  
"Whatever you want!"

- END FLASHBACK -

God, she was bitter, she was robbed. She never thought that she would be a person to be divorced and worse, to lose her husband to another woman in the wings. For a while, she wrestled with the idea that maybe, she had drawn such a high standard for herself, and even for Nick. That maybe she had made him out to be more that what he really was. Maybe she deserved everything that has happened, maybe there never was a happy ending for them.

_I never ask you for…_

_That fancy dress to wear_

_And a ceiling made of stars_

_And all I got was this broken heart from you_

She was awakened by a soft knocking, tapping away. Somewhat in a daze, she looked at the clock on the fireplace mantle and groaned -- it was five in the morning. She glanced outside to see that the rain had stopped; leaving a semi-lit sky with the sun flirting to rise.

The soft tapping continued.

"I'm coming!" She called out. Hesitantly, she got off the couch and was careful not to knock down the half-full bottle of wine beside the coffee table. _'Who in the world would be knocking this early in the morning?'_

As she walked towards the door, she experienced a certain calming sensation takeover her body -- a certain familiarity. Cautiously, she looked through the peephole; quickly taking a step back with eyebrows furrowed. Speechless, she stood motionless while her heart went into quickened.

It was _him._

She continued to stare at the door's locks, only to be roused by the soft rapping at the door. Finally, after much delay, she unlocked the door and swung open the door.

"Nick," she said, in a whisper.

The man smiled. "Hi, can I come in?"

"Sure."

FIN

* * *

A/N – I know that was very long (longer than usual) but I just wanted to tie everything together. It was very crucial for me to bring bits and pieces together because I think that with most sequels, the translation is usually missed. I hope this piece had enough substance and continuity, and I hope that you didn't require taking any meds to keep up with the flashbacks. Thanks so much for my constant critics; I'm not sure if I'm allowed to post names, but I will anyway – MissyJane, EmmyMik, Kady Rilla Wholi, PeTiTe, Candace, Emily, A Bloom, adpi24, Mooose, Nepeace, Jorja Fox, LynnM, cRaZyPiXiE, Nikkd03 (sorry, I couldn't use your song, somebody already used the song for another fic) and especially to those who have stuck it out. Thanks as well to my betas, Kelly (you rock!), the sisters Karen and Steff (y'all are just awesome) thanks for helping me out during the drama, during the 'what-am-I-going-to-do-if-TPTB-decide-on-a-GS-pairing-and-put-the-kibosh-on-NS-and-I-never-finish-my-fic' moments. LoL.

The song is by Rosie Thomas, it's called _Farewell_. The ellipse near the end is for the lyrics that I cannot, for the life of me make out. It's a great song that I stumbled upon, but unfortunately, I've had no such luck finding the song's lyrics. However, if you know the song's lyrics, especially the part that goes into that part, please email me at oceanwave888hotmail.com and I'd be glad to fix the lyrics. FYI, I also do not own, claim to own, nor am associated with Rosie Thomas or her record label. The song _Farewell,_ is the property of Rosie Thomas and whoever else is associated in producing such a great song.

Also, I don't own the rights to any brands/labels that you recognize (i.e. American Airlines), they are the property of their respective owners. And I do not claim to own any of it.

Love it, loathe it, review it. oceanwave__


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